Good morning guys, and welcome back. Why don’t you come on in this morning and sit a little while?
From Tuesday afternoon until late Wed. afternoon, Deb and I both were sick as dogs. She started first, upset stomach, then to sick on the stomach, and couldn’t stay out of the bathroom. We thought she must finally be having a reaction of some kind to her chemo treatment.
Then, about an hour later I started with the same thing. I know I got up three times Tues. night sick, then Wed. I had two meetings to go to. I went to those, got home and Deb and I both lay down at 2:00, and got up at 5:30 that afternoon…just fell out!
Wed. night we were fine again, so we believe coming home from her shot Tues. we had stopped on the way home, and grabbed a bite for lunch. Both of us had coleslaw, and we’re almost positive that was the culprit.
Anyway, we’re 100% today, and feel great. With that being the case let’s just take a few minutes today and have a couple laughs. You guys game?
Living down South… You know, down here we like to make fun of the way we do things, and each other from time to time, and I thought this morning that I’d poke some fun at us for a while.
As an example, people seem to think we do things out of the ordinary down here. Many people like to say that we as Southerners, when wanting to meet girls, go to places like, well…family reunions! This isn’t always the case.
I do remember though back in school, that we used to take sex-ed and driver’s-ed in the same car!
Dale was telling me yesterday about a tragedy involving three of his friends over the past weekend. It seems they were coming back from a party and two of them were riding in the back of a pickup. Well going across the creek bridge the driver lost control causing the truck to veer off into the creek.
Dale said the driver survived by rolling down his window and swimming out, but the two in the back drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
Speaking about Dale, the man moved to a new place a couple days ago. He is so proud of this, and we’re really proud for him as well!
He was asking Debbie for a little advice the other morning she was telling me. She said that Dale was just ecstatic over this new place because it had a washing machine in it, but he was having a problem with it.
He told her he’d put three pairs of short pants in it, and when he pulled the lever to turn it on the pants disappeared and he hasn’t seen them since.
She told me she didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was an indoor toilet, but just said he might want to have somebody come down and take a look at it for him. He agreed.
He also told Deb that he’d taken the house numbers off his old place and put them up on his new place. Deb asked why, and he told her so he wouldn’t have to change his address.
When Deb and I went down to the ranch a while back, my brother Shane and I were out on the porch talking about the cows, and when they’d be working them again. He got to laughing about the time previous they’d penned and were working them, and were taking the calves they weren’t going to keep to market.
He said that Dad had taken a load, and while he was gone one of the cowboys who helps Shane out rode back up to the pens. Shane said the boy got down off his horse, walked around to the back of the horse, lifted his tail up in the air, and kissed the horse…right where the sun don’t shine!
Shane said he dropped the horse’s tail, and walked on up to the cowpens.
Shane said everybody in the cowpens were standing there with their mouths wide open after watching this boy kiss this horse where he did!
Shane said he asked him, “Skeet, did you just kiss that horse where it looked like you kissed him?” To which he said Skeet replied, “I reckon I did Shane. I got some terrible chapped lips.”
Shane said he asked if that was supposed to get rid of them, but Skeet said no, but it sure keeps him from licking em!
Another time, back in “the day,” my buddy John and I were coming back from the bar. This was probably REAL early one morning I’m guessing.
Anyway, we’re downing a few more beers on the way home, and suddenly blue lights began flashing behind us. I asked John what we were going to do as he was driving and we might have had us a little buzz going on.
He advised me to kick whatever empty beer bottles we had under the seat, finish drinking the ones we had open, and then take the bottle label, you know, the label that had the manufacturer’s name on it. He then said to take it off the bottle and place it right in the middle of our foreheads…and to let him do all the talking!
Well, the sheriff pulls us over, comes to John’s door, and asks to see his license. John passes it to him. He looks the license over, then asks if we’d been drinking?
John replied that “No sir, we’ve not been drinking tonight but were coming home from work.” The sheriff then asked what in the world did we have placed right in the middle of our foreheads?
John looked at him, and without batting an eye, simply explained that he and I were both recovering alcoholics, and as part of our probation, just like smokers trying to quit smoking, we were both required to “wear the patch.”
You watch Jeopardy? What’s a line you’ll never hear a redneck use?
Um, let’s see…Shakespeare for one thousand, Alec.
These next few come from a website pertaining to “Southern Etiquette.”
Contrary to many of our Southern beliefs, it is improper to bring a cooler to church with you, and even if you are included in the will, it is tacky to attend the funeral in a U-Haul truck.
When at your girls parent’s house, it is proper to determine what time is appropriate to bring their daughter back home. If they say ten, then that’s when you need to have her home. If they happen to say Monday, then it is your responsibility to see that she gets to school on time!
Also, when your wife is walking to town with a gas can in her hand after you guys running out of gas. It is improper to ask her to bring beer back too.
Ending up our “Southern Styled” laughs today, What’s the difference between a “Yankee zoo” and a “Southern zoo?”
Posted on the cage in a Yankee zoo is the name of the animal, and the scientific name in Latin. On the cage in a Southern zoo is the name of the animal, followed by a recipe.
In closing this out for today, we have a reader “Mountain Gal,” who is an accomplished poet, even published. She also is very active in political writings, so this today is for her, and it covers both of those bases!
There once was a pervert named Weiner
Who tweeted a depraved demeanor
He was forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one weiner leaner
We hope you guys had fun with this today! Thank you all for coming in, and God Bless you!
Deb says to tell you, “Keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!”
Dub and Deb
In reference to “Mountain Gal’s” poetic meanderings on the famous teeny weenie’s in your face episodes. After reading it I had to pause and think a moment. Did I spend a month cleaning out two freezers of all meat products of anything resembling a weiner, brat or sausage in protest to a known very verbal congress critter from NY
showing his brazilian on a i phone, tweet whatever. Yes I did. Two of my favorite dogs are walking around bloated from all the soy and other fillers put in processed meats. They ask any more Congress critters gonna take a fall? What kind of food products are they associated with? And what are you gonna throw out next.
Might I look at the Congress critters that are gung ho for grains for ethanol. Like to see some of them take a fall. Bet some of our farmers and little homestead people
would like to see grain go into their farm animals instead of gas tanks.
Sorry about the soap box. Really did love the poetry. Could not have said it better.
Yes I am still on the BAN WEINERS kick. We are eating bacon.
I got a phone call from my sister last night and she shared a funny moment from her day. She say’s she woke this morning to hearing her husband outside saying “Oh no” and “Oh my God.” So she goes outside to see what is going on.
My sister and her husband live on a lake and they have a huge tree right in the center of their asphalt paved driveway and she see’s her husband looking up and standing under the tree with two adult ducks by his feet. There is a hole in the tree about 20 feet up where this duck had layed her eggs and her little ducklings were jumping out of the tree and crashing onto the pavement. He thought they were all getting killed. He was trying to catch them.
Twelve of them jump out of the tree, get knocked unconscious. Then they wake up and follow their mother and daddy duck down to the water, jump in and swim away!
Two things come to mind about this. One is how awesome God is for taking care of his creatures and two is think about how fully those little ducks trusted their momma to sky dive 20 feet out of a tree after watching their brothers and sisters go splat.
Hey there I really like your site. I linked to your blog on my website about the PSP-3000 so my followers will go to your articles hopefully.