Cuzin Danny

Good morning guys! Welcome back to Ridin’ Out the Recession in Miz Judi’s Kitchen! Why don’t you pull up a chair this morning and sit a while? We’re so glad you came by this morning!

I’d like to tell you guys about one of our family members today. This guy is my Mom’s brother’s son, and his name is Danny.
Danny’s Momma and Daddy, are two of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Aunt Ann is about as sweet as you can get. And cook?
Whew! That lady knows she can work on a cook stove! I don’t care what she’s cooking…it’s good!

She’s from Georgia, has that “Southern drawl,” and is a throwback to yesteryear, when times were tough, but family, well, was indeed family! Aunt Ann is well read, very sharp, and just an absolutely great person.

Anne and Uncle Harold had three boys, and she’d hurt you over them guys, but thinking on that a second, there ain’t too many Momma’s that won’t in regards to their young’un’s!

Uncle Harold was literally the funniest man I’ve ever known, and still is, but Danny is runnin’ a close second!

Danny has worked at his same job since high school, loves to rebuild old tractors, garden, has, and probably still does a sawmill, and is a fine example of the term “workaholic!” The man doesn’t stop, and I don’t think he, even as a child, ever had a “neutral gear, or idle!”

We were at a family reunion one year, and I was over on the sidelines talking with Uncle Harold.

I asked, “Uncle Harold, is Danny coming today?”

He said, “No Dub, I believe he’s trying to catch up on his garden, and he’s got a load of lumber to cut, and he can only get these things done on his days off from his regular job.”

I said, “Dad-gum Uncle Harold, that guy is a worker isn’t he…he just doesn’t stop!”

Uncle Harold looked at me and said, serious as a heart attack, “No Dub, he works all the dern time, daylight to cain’t. I told his Momma just the other night, you know Ann, when ole Danny was born, you reckon they gave us the wrong baby when we left that hospital?”

I almost hit the ground laughing, but that’s how they are! They’re not happy, unless you are!

I could tell a hundred stories on Uncle Harold alone, but this morning, is reserved for…Cuzin Danny! Here’s to ya’, Cuz!

Cuzin Danny:
The night Cuz was born, we were in the midst of a terrible storm, it had rained for days! Trees were down, people couldn’t get out, and Uncle Harold was fortunate to have got Aunt Ann even to the hospital!

The power was going on and off, so one minute they had lights, the next minute they didn’t. Lightning was flashing one streak right behind the other, so even in between the lights going off and on, you could see for brief seconds on account of the lightning flashes.
Well, the power kicked off once more, the delivery room got dark again for a minute or two. You could hear Aunt Ann screaming she outta’ kill Uncle Harold for getting her this way in the first place, and all of a sudden everything got quiet, and the lights came back on, this time to stay.

When those lights kicked backed on, right next to Aunt Ann, lay her firstborn child, a son, ole Danny! That young-un was a laying there just a grinning…WITH A FULL SET A TEETH!

Now, to be honest with you guys, I wasn’t there, shoot, I wasn’t but about a year old myself, so I’m not sure about the storming going on like I described, but if it wasn’t…it should have been!

As far as Cuz being born with a full set of teeth, I don’t care what anybody says, he had to have been! That young’un would bite you…severely!

That boy’s favorite past time was biting on somebody, and nine outta’ ten times…it was me! I swear, I believe I was Cuz’s first teething ring! If that wasn’t bad enough, Uncle Harold got to tying a string a bells around my neck, this is true. I had it rough around that boy!

Aunt Ann said, “Harold! What in the world are you doing tying them bells around ole Dub’s neck, are you crazy?”

Uncle Harold says, “Ann, the only reason I did it was to pacify little Danny! Just watch him a minute laying there teething on Dub’s arm. When he clamps down hard with that full set a teeth he was born with, ole Dub’ll get to tryin’ to snatch his arm back outta’ Danny’s mouth, just a hollerin and screaming.”

“Well, that gets them dern bells sounding off loud, and little Danny just loves it! It must be really entertaining to him!”

After hearing Uncle Harold’s explanation for having them bells around my neck, Aunt Ann, evidently pacified that I wasn’t gonna be strangled by them bells, turned and walked off, saying, “Okay honey, I was just wondering, but don’t let ‘em get too rough, hear?”

It wasn’t that bad, not quite, but that boy would bite you for sure! Not just a nip, he’d, bite the pure blood outta’ of you! I know this for a fact, cause I’m telling you all straight up, I was terrified of that boy!

I remember back when we lived in Mississippi they used to come visit us once in a while.

I swear, when they’d pull down our drive, pull up to the house, I’d be watching them closely. I knew what was coming!

I could see Danny standing up in the back of their car, and as soon as they’d come to a stop, Uncle Harold would crack the car door open just a bit, not enough to let Cuz out, but enough for him to see that in just a minute, he’d be out.

He’d be just a jumping around in the backseat of that car, all excited, and Uncle Harold throwin’ fuel on the fire saying, “You ready, boy? You gonna get him? Get ready, I’m gonna’ turn ya’ out!”

Man, he’d throw that door open and Cuz would hit the ground, just a spinning and looking around, and literally whining, he was just that excited. He was just like an ole’ “catch dog,” fixing to nail a hog! You see, Cuz knew what was up, and me standing in the yard watching all this commotion, unfortunately knew what was up too! He was the catch “dog”…and I was the hog!

I’d already be turned and starting to run off, and would then hear the “magic words.” They being simply, “Catch him, son!” It was on!
You’d think that being that scared of something you could probably outrun it, especially with a little head start, but you simply could not outrun Danny, that young’un could fly! He may have been the fastest kid I’ve ever seen, he’d literally bore a hole in the wind!

Several times I’d be running for my life, and I could hear Danny, way back there just a hollerin’, “Turn me loose Daddy, I’ll nail him!”
Then I’d hear Uncle Harold say, “Hang on son, let’s give ole Dub a sportin’ chance!

Man, he’d turn Cuz loose, and he’d be on me in a flash, biting me all over the head and shoulders! What seemed like an eternity, Uncle Harold would come running up and say, “Danny, you get off Dub, you hear! What’s wrong with you? How many times I gotta’ tell you about that biting?”

I was so relieved just to have somebody get him off me, I didn’t even care Uncle Harold had been the one telling him to sic me in the first place!

I remember I’d knocked my two front teeth out when I was about 8 or 9, playing sandlot football. When Mom and Dad took me to the dentist, he put in two “new ones.” They were silver, no kidding, my two front teeth were silver, well up until about high school, then they were replaced with caps, which were white.

The point of this being that Cuz, upon seeing my new silver teeth, well, for some reason, he was just infatuated by this. I swear, that young’un went home and knocked one of his own front teeth out! This is true, he did!

I don’t remember how, but I swear, next time I saw him, he had a silver tooth right up front! He was so proud of this, but I just couldn’t believe he’d done such a thing!

“Jaws” Wasn’t Nothin:
Do ya’ll remember when the movie “Jaws” come out, and how many people it frightened, literally to the point they wouldn’t go back into the water? That was me, but just a different scenario.

I went and watched it with another friend of mine, and I gotta’ tell you guys, that dern fish didn’t bother me in the least! It never fazed me in regards to swimming in the ocean one bit.

But sitting there watching that movie, was frightening. The reason was that every time that fish would leap up outta’ the water, mouth gaping, I didn’t see just the fish. I saw the fish true enough, but the fish that I was a seeing, had a blonde crewcut sitting on top of his head, and that big ole’ gaping mouth, I swear it had one big ole silver tooth in it, just a shining!

And that music, Da……..Da…, Da……Da…, dadadadadadada, when it got to playing, I could see me, running for my life, Danny right behind me. Every time he’d open his mouth to chomp down on me, well, I’d gain a step! This played in my mind for weeks after that film came out!

It always amazed me that so many people were in reality terrified of that film! Shoot that fish was fake, but Cuz…he was a real life, in the flesh nightmare!

Because of that film, people wouldn’t get back in the water, because of Cuz, I wouldn’t go back to Lakeland, Florida!

Danny was the main reason I applied for, and received a concealed weapons permit…self-defense!

Ole Cuz was vain too! He and I were talking one time and we were discussing kids. He said, “you know Dub, I always did things just a little slower than most kids.”

I asked what in the world he was talking about, as he was always “sharp as a tack,” in regards to most things.

He said, “Shoot Dub, I didn’t start walkin’ until I was eight years old.”

I said, “Cuz you’re crazy! You was running me down to bite my rear end every time you hit the ground good!”

He laughed, and stated once more, “No, I didn’t start walking until I was eight…I was such a “pretty baby,” no one wanted to put me down!”

Not just Danny, but his entire family are just hysterical when they want to be, and on top of that, just good, good people!

I hope you guys enjoyed hearing about ole’ Cuz this morning, because I gotta say, that I had an absolute ball telling it. Old memories, aren’t they great?

If you guys would like to share some of your own, please do, we’d love to hear them!

You guys all have a terrific day, today! Look around a little, and acknowledge the many ways God blesses us! Get outside and enjoy the beauty and fresh air, because…spring has sprung!

Thank you all for coming, and please come back again! God Bless you all!

Dub