Two Of Deb’s Sisters Coming in Today…Lord help me!

Well, as you guys can plainly see from the title today, I’ll have my work cut out for me the next few days…company’s comin’!
Sadly for me, this isn’t good friends dropping in for a visit…this is family (Deb’s family on top of that), coming down checkin’ on their “little sister.” I got to be on my “A-game” while they’re in town.

Melanie, whose husband JH, has called her “Puss” ever since I can remember, and Christine, “Chris” are the two that are coming today. Since it just aggravates Melanie to no end being nicknamed Puss, I’ll refer to her today as Puss from here on out!!

Puss is the oldest of the whole “herd of ‘em,” and although they’re all nice, (I know Deb will be readin’ this behind me), she probably is the sweetest of the bunch too. She really is very pleasant to be around.

The only problem she gives me is her eating…she fixes her plate, she picks her food up, she brings it to her mouth, then she starts chewing…at about the, SOS (speed of sloth). By the time she finishes her meal, shoot, it’s time to mow the grass again. I know eating slowly is best for you, but she takes eating slowly to a whole nother level!

NASA has attempted to have her come to the Cape and speak with some of the astronauts. The reasoning is for Melanie to train them how to eat much slower than normal, and by doing so, possibly not having to take so many food supplies, leaving more room for payload.

The hope is that if this were successful, that by the time they had eaten 3 good meals, their 10 day flight would be near completion. It might just work.

The talks haven’t taken place as far as I know, as Melanie has never had the chance to go over…she hasn’t finished eating yet.

All jokes aside though, she IS the slowest eater I’ve ever been around, although here at our house she moves with a little “pep in her step” at eatin’ time anymore.

The first time Puss came to eat with us at our place, I broke her of just barely moving. Deb had laid supper out for us, and by the time Puss had gotten around to fixing her plate, it was all gone…I’d eaten everything.

When it comes to eating, Puss will lull you to sleep, around me…you snooze, you lose!

Chris is Tub’s (Tony), Mother. Tub is who Red was with when they broke all their Grannie Hayes coke bottles she had been saving to turn in for a deposit behind her house. They were both about 5 years old, and pure terrors to anyone over 20. Those two couldn’t stay out of trouble, it just followed them around.

Anyway, Deb and Chris toted a rear-end chewing over those coke bottles, let me tell you. As a matter of fact, I believe Mrs. Hayes’ remarks to Deb and Chris via phone call was something to the extent of…”If you want these two little S.O.B.’s , you better come get ‘em!” Mrs. Hayes always had a way with words.

Mrs. Hayes didn’t take any “you know what,” off of anybody. If you ticked her off, well, she could cuss you with the best of them…sailors included. She was just as nice as could be most times, but I swear, you’d be just about as bad off as crossin’ a Mama grizzly and her cubs!

She pulled a gun on yours truly, not long after Deb and I started dating. I’d upset “her baby,” and she’d rode over to Mama’s and I went over later to see if Deb and I were still an item or not. If it had been up to Mrs. Hayes, we wouldn’t have been.

That dern woman come up to me, throwed a little Saturday night special up in my face, and thumb cocked the dern thing! Right up under my nose! SHE HAD…my undivided attention. Deb was hollerin’, “NO MAMA,” Chris was hollerin’, “NO MAMA,” and I was hollerin’, “PLEASE NO, MAMA HAYES!”

I do believe that woman was just eatin’ this up, she was literally…enjoying herself! After they got her settled back down, Deb and I left for home, and none too quick for me. Once we got out of gun range, I looked at Deb and asked, “What in the world is WRONG with your Mama?”

Deb looked at me and said, “Don’t let that bother you…she’s pulled a gun on ALL her son-in-laws!” I fired back that I ain’t one of her son-in-laws, and it ain’t looking too good at the moment, that I’ll ever be either! Deb thought it was funny…

I’ve tried for years to get my Mama to pull a gun on Deb, kinda like a payback, but she refuses to do so. I tell her, “But Mama, they pulled one on me,” and she just laughs. It just has to be a woman thing!

To the ones who have read our column since the get go, you guys know that Doug is my real name. How did Dub come about? Mrs. Hayes…she would never, and I do mean NEVER, call me by my name…Doug.

She always called me Dub! Dub this, Dub that. She used to make me so dern mad with her I couldn’t stand it, and it was done exactly for that reason…to tick me off, but good!

Deb even got tired of hearing it, and would say, “Mama! The man’s name is…DOUG, not Dub!” Mrs. Hayes would look at Deb and say, “Whatever…”

Until she died, I’d never heard her call me Doug, but looking back now, Dub was actually much, much milder than many other things she’d called me through the years, I promise you.

She was a “sport model,” and she was one tough woman, but honestly, back in those days life was a struggle, and she raised seven children. They were raised on a farm, and money was short many times. But Deb’s family was like mine, we always had food on the table, and clothes to wear. We may have had only two pair of shoes, but we never hurt for anything.

You grew up working, and it never hurt a one of us. If you needed something, but didn’t have the money, you waited to purchase it, until you did have the money on hand. That was it.

We grew up with a work ethic, a strong sense of responsibility, we respected people, and if we misbehaved, we got a whipping. Not child abuse, but a whipping. Your actions triggered consequences, good or bad, this was up to you.

Also, our parents didn’t enjoy whipping us, but they did it out of love for us. If they hadn’t given a hoot about us, we’d of been let run around like a pack of dern wild animals. Out of sight out of mind, but Lord that wasn’t the case. You messed up at a neighbors, they whipped you, then once home you got it again. Oh how times have changed.

Anyway, I’m so glad they are coming for Deb. She’s looking forward to it, just as Puss and Chris are too. J.H. called Deb this morning and told her they’d left at 5 am., but had been threatening to leave since 1 am…they couldn’t sleep wanting to come on.

So everyone is excited, and this will be such a good break for Deb in regards to her daily routine of alternative treatments. Still stay focused, but with a little more enjoyment involved while they’re here. She’s done so well, and she deserves this little “break” from being all business most of the time.

I’m getting out of their hair, letting them do exactly what they want, when they want, and no interference from ole’ Dub. They want to go to bed, fine. They don’t want to go to bed, shoot, that’s fine too!

As a matter of fact, I cooked supper for them tonight…Hawaiian Chicken (this has chicken, barbeque sauce, pineapple with its juice, bell pepper and onions, all baked), corn bread, macaroni and cheese, black-eyed and conch peas. I did the dishes too! Boy, ole’ Deb owes me when they leave…LOL!

Actually, I enjoy doing it for them, cause I know when Puss and Chris get back home, their two husbands catch flak over “how good” I treat Deb. Yeah, I try to help my brother-in laws out any chance I get!

I learned a long time ago that I cain’t whip all three of em, so I won’t even attempt to! Let the good times roll…

We hope you guys are all doing well today, and God Bless you and yours. Thank you for all the support you’ve shown Deb, and she says to tell you guys to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart.

Dub and Deb