Most know fore Lucky and I got married, shoot, datin for that matter…she made me WORK for it. Again, we’d both lost our spouses, but we’d all been good, good friends years back.

Lookin back now, that was my only in. If I hadn’t known that heifer prior, I doubt she’d have even givin me the time a day. She wanted another man in her life bout like I wanted to go see the dentist as a child.

But, eventually I wore her down, and most times now we wonder what we’d ever do without each other.

The other times we just wonder what WE ARE gonna do with each other??

When she finally did say yes though, I’m sure I was grinning like a baked possum. Shortly thereafter, I realized… I REALLY WAS cooked through and through!

Both of us are native Floridians, and man oh man, have we seen this state change through the years. I gotta say though we both are very proud to wear the handle of…bein Southern.

To all our Yankee buddies…

It ain’t all bout the beaches, tourist attractions and golf courses.

No sir-eee!

I ain’t tryin one bit to discourage ya’ll from movin down here either, BUT, there are other things to consider as well.

Mosquitos…we call em skeeters. Them things’ll eat ya alive.

I remember one time as a child, I dunno, I was 24-25 years old, layin there in bed next to my fourth wife, and I heard two of em talkin…

One asked the other…ya wanna eat him here or take him with us?

Then there’s the gators, or as ya’ll call em, alligators. Those guys are in bout every river, stream, pond or lake here in Florida.

Course there’s signs posted everywhere though warnin ya bout em. Without a doubt, the most likely time to be attacked is durin matin season.

It’s during this time of the year the number of signs are usually doubled, possibly even tripled, and give good advice if you’d only take the time to read em.

One example of our signs down here pertainin to this is as follows…

WARNING: Gator Matin Season! If Attacked…

FAKE ORGASM!

One other thing ya must consider if kickin around the idea of movin South is simply…THE HEAT!

If ya ain’t used to hot…forget it!

Lucky and I have sat on the porch many times watchin the birds pullin worms outta the ground wearin pot holders.

Seriously, we have.

One other consideration, then I’m bout done, is drought. It gets awful dry down here.

It was so dry last spring the oak trees were whistlin for the dogs.

I’ve told Lucky before that if you’d stop by the cracks in our pasture caused by the drought, you could smell Chinese cookin comin out a most of em.

It was also just last spring the, “Please Don’t Pee In The Pool” sign was takin down by the city.

One other tidbit, and this for all you SINGLE Yankee men folk who got the idea of comin down and pickin ya out a Southern woman.

There are two things I know that’ll kill ya graveyard dead.

The first…crossin the road without lookin both ways.

The second…crossin your Southern wife!

Okay, okay, I’m in the kitchen fixin to fire off that dern cook stove and gonna shut up…

In a minute!

First, Southerners do love to cook. To us, it is a symbol of our love for each other, our children and our friends, and it actually serves as a time to sit back and share what’s been goin on in our lives.

A good meal, shared with good company, is truly a pleasurable time. We take much delight in it.

Today, as I said, I’ll be sharin some of Lucky’s recipes. She’s no doubt a very good, down home cook.

Personally I’ve eaten tons of grits throughout my lifetime, and Deb and I had done a post on grits before, but I must say…Lucky makes the best pot of grits I’ve ever eaten…bar none.

I’d watch her standin by that dern cook stove, standin on one leg, her other with her foot restin on her knee, just a stirrin the fire outta them grits.

I’d go, “Lucky…what in the world ya doin cookin them grits so long for?”

She’d say, “Bronson, it’s what makes em good.”

Ya know what?

She wasn’t lyin!

I swear to you guys…I can eat her grits right out of the fridge, stone cold. The dern things are flavored so well, to me, it was amazin.

Hopefully, they strike you guys the same way.

If all our Yankee buddies paid no heed to me on my advice bout movin South, I swear, you guys at least outta try these grits. You may be in for one very, very pleasant surprise.

Judi…Brian…ya’ll listenin??

Lucky’s Dern Grits

5 cups water

1 cup grits (yep, just one cup)

½ stick salted butter

Salt to taste

Bring water, salt and butter to hard boil. Take off heat and stir in grits very slowly or they’ll be lumpy. Place back on burner over medium heat and boil lightly for 4-5 minutes. Turn heat down to low and cook an additional 15-20 minutes, uncovered, stirring often.

Havin fish? Just add a little of your favorite cheese to your grits!

Corn Beef Hash

Two cans corned beef

Small onion

8-10 med. sized potatoes

Salt and pepper to taste

Boil potatoes, diced or quartered, just as you would for boiled potatoes, along with the chopped onion and salt and pepper. Cook until done, then drain liquid leaving enough to be a little soupy after adding your two cans of corned beef.

Good stuff, and very easy!

Some Kinda Rice Thing

1 cup of long grain white rice

I- 12 oz. can of beef consommé

1- 12 oz. can of French Onion soup

1 regular can of sliced water chestnuts (drained)

1- small can of sliced mushrooms (drained)

1 stick of salted butter

Dump all ingredients except butter into baking dish. Stir mixture and then slice butter into pieces and drop over mixture. Bake at 350, uncovered for 45 minutes to 1 hour, (depending on oven).

When we make this Lucky usually make a double batch, just by doubling ingredients.

God Bless you and yours, and be sure to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Doug and Lucky

I don’t know what has got into me here lately…postin every 2-3 days?? Usually a month or so between posts. Wonder what’s up with that?

I gotta admit though, I’m pretty sure of the reasonin behind it…

I’m lonely!

Seems since huntin season kicked off, dad-gum if I ain’t become a single guy once again??

Huntin Season

That dern “Lucky” a mine absolutely LOVES to hunt and fish. She’d rather do either than eat! Dang if it ain’t becoming pretty obvious that she’d rather do either than…be around me too!

That heifer!

Course some of it’s my fault too. We bought a 34 foot 5th wheel to take to the camp, that some friends of hers practically gave to us, see, one more reason I call her Lucky, and that was my biggest mistake…takin it to the camp and settin it up!

Course all this reminds me of a joke…

An 80 year old farmer married a 27 year old woman. The old man worked all the time…daylight to dark, and was give slap out when he reached the house each evening.

Bobby Ray says, “Ya know Doc, to start with it worked out great! I’d fire my rifle and here she’d come in a minute or two. Then, huntin season started up and…I ain’t seen her since!”

You guys don’t reckon “ole Lucky…?”

NAW!!

LOL!

Honestly, she does love it though. I’m very proud that she has something like that, that she so thoroughly enjoys.

Doesn’t matter if she kills a nice buck, and I’m here to testify for her, that if she does shoot one, IT IS a good un. But her enjoyment comes from just her love of the outdoors. Sittin in her tree stand, watchin the coons or turkeys, the deer feedin, or even fightin durin the rut, this is what revs her motor.

It’s been a good year for the members so far, there’s eight families I believe that are part of the camp, so it’s not a big club by any means.

The last count I’d heard was 2 seven pointers, 3 eight pointers, 1 nine pointer, and 2 ten pointers.

Me, I love the outdoors as well, but I stopped huntin some years back. I used to love it though. My kick any more is just watchin the wildlife, although I gotta say…if an exceptional one walked out on me, I’d probably be eatin that sucker.

I love though the fellowship of sittin round the fire and just bein out, but, since one of us has got to make a livin, accordin to her…I’m it!!

LOL!

After huntin season, that heifer has got just enough time to clean, grease, and put her guns up, then…

She’s goin fishin!

Now Into Fishin Season

All jokes a side…

That woman can fish! Honestly guys…she can do it!

Fresh water or salt water…she’s da man! Well…

She’s da woman anyway!

She’ll get in her boat, her house is on Lake Marion, bout a mile and a half from ours, go figure…we get married and HER house is on the lake, but now we live in OUR house here on the place???

Anyway…us men folk don’t stand a chance, do we guys? LOL.

But anyway, she’ll get in her boat down at the lake, find them shellcracker bumpin them pads some, and she’s got her hook in the water…

Just her, God, them shellcrackers and a cane pole!

At times she’ll just slaughter em!

Then, in the saltwater, which even though I’m born and raised here in Florida, I never did much saltwater fishin, she’s one of the dern best.

Her, her son Tommy and his wife Judy took me down to Little Gasparilla Island on the west coast, which they have a place on too, by the way (I did good, huh? LOL), and schooled me in saltwater fishin.

We, or better said, THEY, tore the snook and redfish up! I was astounded for a couple reasons.

First, why in the heck I ain’t done more saltwater fishin, then, dern, these guys know their stuff! Again, no question, they were the teachers and I was…the student!

Tickled them to no end too…me bein a rookie.

On top of this, I’ve always called Lucky by her last name, which was Addison, until we married of course. Still call her Addison though, and honestly she calls me by my, or our last name now…Bronson.

While out fishin in the boat with em, I say, “Hey Addison,” and THREE of them answer back…

“What?”

I KNEW IMMEDIATELY I was in trouble! 3 Addison’s in the boat and only ONE me! Had me WAY back in the back water too…just us, and a WHOLE lot a mangrove swamps! I had NO idea how to get back to the dock either!

Right then, at that very moment, my whole outlook changed. I went suddenly from Superman, to meek, mild mannered Clark Kent!

Stayed that way too.

Yes sir, no sir. Yes ma’am, no ma’am.

Shoot, come to think about it…

I ain’t been back down there with em!

She did rub a little salt in my wounds too while we were down there…

Here I was, fishin HARD, and not havin any luck?? Finally, ole Lucky with ANOTHER dern redfish on the end of her pole, says, “Here Bronson…ya wanna reel him in for me?”

Ticked me OFF to no end.

Well…ME bein ME, an ole tough Florida born and bred cracker, I gave her the what for!

“Really,” I asked. “Why sure honey, I’d love to! Thanks a million dear! Dern, I love you!”

Then, to top it off, the three of them had still been pickin at me bout my saltwater fishin skills, or better said, my lack of them, and out of the blue Lucky says,…

“Ya know what Bronson? Your fishin don’t pick up, I can see an ANNULLMENT comin down the road!”

Ya gotta know her though. She was just joshin me…

I think??

You were joshin me, right Lucky?

Ya know, sittin here postin this this morning, with Lucky havin a place on the lake, a place on the island, and a huntin camp 4 miles from OUR (LOL) house…
Ya reckon it just might be me, who’s… “Lucky?”

NAW!!

Me either!

All jokin aside though, God did Bless me with Kathrine, and I’m thankful to Him for it. She was a wonderful friend to Deb for many, many years and you don’t know how much comfort that is. No question Kathrine loved her, and Deb her as well.

This in itself has brought such a peaceful closure to the chapter of Deb and my life we shared together. Only through God’s will in Debs regard, and Kathrine and her husband Ronnie’s as well, could we be in the position we are in today.

Only through our Father’s love for us, His love for you guys out there as well, could Kathrine and I been so fortunate to find that through God having us right where He wanted us, He gave us both once more…

A reason for laughter, a reason for happiness, and the great blessing of having someone alongside you who you know really, really cares about you simply because…you’re you.

God does work in mysterious ways my friends. If anyone out there today who just happened to run across this post and doesn’t know God…give Him a chance in your own life.

If so, I know you’ll soon come to understand…unconditional love!

In closing this out this morning, I’d just like to say God Bless you and yours, and thank you so much to many of you out there who we truly consider…our friends!

Be sure to keep a smile on your face, and one in your hearts!

Oh…

If any of you guys were to run across Lucky out there in them woods somewhere, please tell her I love her, and…I’m down at OUR house, not HER house! LOL!

Also, tell her she’s at least got to come by here AFTER huntin season, cause I gathered up all her fishin tackle, got it locked up and I’m the only one with the key!

Doug and Lucky

Hot…good night a livin, it has been really hot and humid down here. Tryin to do a little work around here is like working in a sauna. All you have to do is basically just walk around the yard and the sweat is just pourin off of you.

By the time I get up to the shower in the evenin I smell bout like an ole boar hog, and my clothes are just drenched. It’s bad when Cheyenne walks over to you to get petted and loved on, stops, catches a good whiff, then decides she really doesn’t need any attention right at the moment.

I come up to the porch in the afternoon now and she waits on me with one paw on a bar of soap, and a dern towel in her mouth! Once I get almost on the porch she drops the towel over the soap and takes off to the other side. Man’s best friend…HA!

No, actually Cheyenne has kinda stepped up to the plate in regards to helping me out since it’s just the two of us now. She’s a ton of company to me and tries to get me involved in things to keep me busy, and I guess you’d say… “help me adjust.”

Just the other night she went to the door and sat beside it, the “okay, buster, let’s go outside a while” look on her face. Well, I thought she had to pee, so, I open the door, let her out, and watch her a few minutes. She doesn’t even attempt to “find her a good spot,” to squat, but instead sits down and starts gazing up at the moon, which was full by the way, and absolutely beautiful.

Next thing I knew, she’s sittin there on her haunches, starin back at me, and taking her left front paw and starts pattin it on the ground with a “c’mon out and let’s sit a while look” on her mug.

So, feeling kinda stupid, I go out and sit down beside her. Well, this seems to be just what she wanted me to do, so she looks up at the moon, and gives a low howl, then looks back over at me. I start pettin her a little and ask, “What ya doin, Shiny?”

She looks back up at the moon, howls again, only this time a little louder, and then it dawned on me…she’s tryin to get me involved in something, occupy my time sort of thing. So, long story short, she and I sat there howlin at the moon for a good 30 minutes or so. In reality, just between us…it was kinda fun!

Our other dog, Susie, didn’t know what to make of us???

I came down stairs a couple days back, after getting my shower, flipped over to Marshall Dillon on the TV, and here comes Cheyenne with a bowl of her food. She stops and sits it down beside my recliner, takes off again, and here she comes, this time with…Susie’s bowl!

It then became obvious to me that ole Shiny had…made us dinner. I was like, dern that doesn’t look half bad, and shoot, I really didn’t feel like cookin anyway. So, we blessed our food, and went to workin on it.

We’d had chicken wings the night before and I’d put Alpo over the wing bones for them and I have to say, that Alpo ain’t half bad, although personally I prefer the beef much more so than the chicken flavored! That’s just me though, those other two seem to like either one.

One other good point to eatin this way…I never washed their pans out for at least a week or so, so…dishes once a week, how good is that?

Yesterday I started runnin squirrels with her and Susie. Now that’s a ball! I know, I know, I’m the last one to the tree EVERY time, but that’s just how it is. I mean you take something with two legs, and compete, race wise, against something with FOUR legs…what cha gonna do??

It, to me, is not so much about the competition of who gets to the tree first, although this seems to be a BIG issue between her and Susie, but more about just bein included in the pack!

I gotta tell you guys though, since I started hangin out with those two more, it’s getting really hard to walk past a tree…or a tire on the truck! I can’t even imagine tryin to walk by a dern fire hydrant anymore!

I’m beginning to realize now, that if I’m not REAL careful, I may never use the bathroom in the house again?? Gotta watch that. Especially when visitin the neighbors!

I tell you another thing…wait a minute, what’s that??

OH, gotta go for now guys!! Sounds like an ambulance just turned onto the road out in front of the house! Dang I’ve got where I love chasin one of those dern things…see ya!

You guys take care, and God bless. As always, keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

As you guys know, we’ve been getting rain, rain, and more rain coming off the storm in the northwest gulf.

I dumped 5 inches out of the rain gauge last night, so I really don’t know how much we’d had. Then this morning I dumped another inch and a half. I haven’t checked it this afternoon but I’d be shocked if we haven’t had another inch and a half as well.

This could keep up for another few days, but hopefully it’ll start moving out soon. We’ve not had any strong winds here, possibly gusts of up to 25 mph, but nothing bad at all. Like many others along the eastern seaboard or the gulf coast areas, once one of these storms starts heading in our general direction…we keep our eyes peeled!

The name of this particular storm?

Debby. Yep, that’s what they’ve gone and named the dern thing! The weather center spelled it wrong but, Debby is still Debbie no matter how ya cut it!

You believe that? I was like…dern woman, I’d been begging for rain all spring and son-of-a-gun, you’re seeing I get it all at one time! We’re drownin here how bout it!!

No, actually even with the rain we’ve had, as fast as we’ve gotten it, you look out it’s standing, you look again in 30 minutes or so…and its gone! We have been terribly dry this year but seem to be makin up ground quick.

Our pond is up at least a foot or better, and this will continue to rise even after the rain stops. We dug it fairly close a dry creek-bed, it’s a creek when its wet, and dry when it ain’t, so the pond will leech water from the creek until it dries back out again.

This could be a while now though…we’re into our rainy season now, and water shouldn’t be a worry to us anymore this year. Unless we have a season with several storms, then it’ll be another type of problem…too much water!

Sounds as if I’m a guy that’s pretty hard to please, huh?

I’ve been around enough years now that I understand that many times in life its feast…or famine. Lookin at my picture still though, you’d have to come to the conclusion that I’d been experiencing in my life way to much of feastin, and maybe not quite enough of famine! LOL!

Although I have to tell you that in all reality that’s not the case, but once Deb and I had gotten to the point we COULD feast ever once in a while, I swear I just didn’t know when to quit.

We’d get past the feastin and start back on the faminin (is this a word fam-a-nin) again, and I’d still be feastin away on what I’d put up while we WAS feasting! Thank you Food-Saver!

I believe I was the only one in the Country that when the economy took such a downturn…I was PUTTIN ON weight! LOL!

Then ole Deb, bless her heart, showed me a new road to travel. A road of good healthy eating, choosing the right foods to nourish our bodies with, and, oh my God…exercise??? I thought she’d lost her cotton pickin mind!

You can’t imagine the things that were coming into my mind! I began having nightmares!

Me and my big mouth had told her, “Honey, whatever you do…I’ll do too!” You see, that’s been my biggest problem all through my life. Opening my big mouth instead of listening, grasping, and thoroughly understanding what was just said.

Then, knowing Deb like I did, I KNEW once she started all this healthy this, and healthy that, she’d never go back to the way it was…the GOOD life.

Fried pork chops, mashed taters and gravy, cat-head biscuits, corn bread, fried okra, peach cobbler, fried chicken, cube steaks smothered in…grease, fried green tomatoes, well, ya’ll get the picture. She dropped all this just like she’d been snake struck. I was in denial for weeks.

All of this in itself could lead to many other things that I had always found…belittling, even un-masculine!!

Things like putting conditioner in my hair, bathing regularly, trimming my toenails, takin off my cap and partin my hair (what’s up with that), using a napkin, washin the dog (believe that), even liftin the lid on the toilet, these things all became…routine. I was a wreck!

Many times after a hard day in the garden, I’d come in and sit down at the table, oh yeah, she got me to washin my hands prior to that too, and here she’d come, sash-shaying from the kitchen.

She’d have a big plate of…bean sprouts, cottage cheese (YUK!), ice water and one dern THIN tomato slice laid up on a big ole thick bed of lettuce. Makes my mouth water just thinkin about it right now!
I’d ask, “No dressing honey,” and she’d hand me a slice of lemon. She’d say, “Just squeeze some of this over it Dub, it’ll help it, AND, it’ll be SO healthy for you!” “God Bless you honey,” I’d say…

I’ve waken up before in a cold sweat, raisin straight up in the bed dreamin about tryin to get into the front door of Wal-Mart, yet I can’t. I’d lost so much weight the door just wouldn’t open??

I’d climb up on the handrail beside the door and jumped off…right onto the mat, but still the door wouldn’t open…I’d lost TOO much weight. In my dream I’d keep climbin back up on that handrail and I’d jump again and again, hopin that just one time, the dern door would open where I could get inside.

I mean after all, all I wanted was one of them Nathan hotdogs with ALL the trimmings, just so maybe the next time I come I’d be able just to walk through the door like everyone else!

THEN the kids from down the road got into the act, although I’m not so sure Deb didn’t have a hand in this deal. She had to or they couldn’t have gotten in through the gate…I’d locked it.

BUT, here those two young’uns would come, everyday bout 6 in the evenin, peddalin them bikes around the circle in front of our house, hollerin, “Mr. Dub…Mr. Dub…look what we got!”

I’d raise up in the swing, look out in the drive and they’d go whizzing by, each with a liver cheese sandwich (my favorite) strapped to their backs! Off the porch I’d go, chasin them little suckers right out the gate (which was mysteriously open again…go figure) and down the hard road they’d go.

I’d walk back to the house and by now Deb would be sittin in the swing. “Dub,” she’d holler, “that was a nice little run you just took…very good! I’m proud of you!”

So as you guys can see, healthy eatin, good nutritious food, and livin right may indeed be good for you, but there sure is a whole lot of work and sacrifice to be put into it.

I’m thinking this weekend of possibly making some of that good ole Georgia link sausage, made into a casserole with about half a dozen onions, a #1 washtub full of taters, plenty of cheese, whole milk, plenty of salt and pepper, a pitcher full of sweet iced tea, and maybe a slice of hot apple pie with a big scoop or two of vanilla ice cream to wash it all down good.

Naw…I’m tryin to watch my figure.

I hope you guys enjoyed this little bit of nonsense cause I sure did. I had a chuckle or two putting this down this evenin, and boy it felt good to laugh. I can honestly say that while doing this I indeed had a smile on my face and one in my heart…I hope you did as well!

I hate to run but I gotta get a shower, wash and condition my hair, put a nice part in it after I dry it off some, trim my toenails, brush my teeth…

God Bless!

Dub

For all you younger guys that’s a pretty big deal. Relaxin, sittin on the couch, watchin a little sports, hollerin for “Mama” to bring ya a refill of some good cold iced tea, or just a good ole cold one period! You know, recreational time!

For all us “older gents,” Saturday ain’t a whole lot different than any other day of the work week. Why you younger guys ask? Well, all I gotta say is you better enjoy that recreational time now, cause once you get my age things change pretty drastically!

The reason…. “honey do’s!”

Ain’t no need it tryin to explain it to ya now, as it’d probably just go right over your heads, plus, there ain’t no need it bustin your bubble just yet…but your times comin!

Well, Kendra Bailey Morris…hmmm…

First off to be honest with you this morning, I’m not sure if she’s a married woman or not, and with that the case, out of respect I’m gonna call her “Miss Kendra.” If you happen to be married “Miss Kendra,” it’ll only take one e-mail to set me straight, and from here on out you’ll be…“Mrs. Kendra.” LOL!

That is unless you’re like my Deb, whom I refer to as “Mr. Deb” most all times, especially when I’ve aggravated her…cause she can whip me, now that I’ve gotten old and feeble! Shoot, she could probably whip me when I was younger, BUT, for a fact, today…she wears the britches in this family. Sad but true! LOL!

Anyway, Miss Morris wrote the cookbook, “White Trash Gatherings.” As you know, Deb and I post recipes from this book ever once in a while, although the past couple recipe posts we’ve done, have indeed, come from her book.

Yesterday I was checking out our spam, no, not the meat, and to tell you the truth, spam has gone crazy here lately. Daily anymore, we’ll have from 25 to 50 spam messages…drives me up the dern wall! So, I’ve gotten to the point I just hit, “empty spam,” and delete them all at once!

For some reason or other, I scanned down through them, and there was a message from… Kendra Bailey Morris. I was like, “Yeah right!”

I almost sent her back an e-mail to verify it, asking what was the name of her 3rd cuzin removed on her Mama’s side of her great-greatgranddaddy’s, first wife’s, aunt? If the answer came back “Raphael,” I would have known right of the bat…she was an imposter! I’d of been lookin more along the lines of say…Eugene, Jenkin, or even, Ovie Cecil.

But, after pullin up the link to her sight… http://fatbackandfoiegras.blogspot.com/ and browsin around some, I realized she WAS, the “Real McCoy!” DERN!

At first I thought her e-mail might have read… “Dub, you keep postin up my dern recipes, I’m gonna string ya up by your ears!” But, that wasn’t the case at all! What a genuine nice lady she seems to be, but at my age, I gotta say that I don’t let a woman make too much of a good, “first impression!”

Ole Deb did that years ago, and look what that got me!

Also, if Miss Kendra would have stated she’d string me up by my ears, I’d of had to told her that, really, that wasn’t possible. My ears couldn’t have supported that much weight!

One of the posts on her site also stated that she was wantin to take off ten pounds. Shoot Miss Kendra, don’t sweat the little things…I gotta toe that weighs 10 pounds! LOL!

Also, not meaning no offence, but your site kinda threw me just a little bit. Well actually it kinda “body-slammed” me at one point.

I was readin up on those dern “Senator’s Brown Beans and Fatback,” “K.G.’s Country Grit Bread,” “Sweet and Savory BLT Deviled Eggs,” and the “Ode to the Perfect Burger,” just about “foamin at the mouth,” literally, and then run right up against a dad-gum block wall!

“Yellowtail Sashimi?” Once again, no offence, but around here, we consider that…bait.

Next up was, “Uni Star” consisting of broiled eel wrapped around a mixture of spicy avocado and shrimp topped with a few sprinkles of panko crumbs.” Boiled eel, REALLY??

Good night a livin Miss Kendra, you just be careful eatin all that. I know you must be forcing it down, and with that bein said, just be careful only wantin to knock off 10 pounds, or so. On that type of diet you might knock off 20-25 pounds for you know it! LOL!

I don’t know of anybody in our family would eat something like that, UNLESS they were being persuaded somewhat. Like maybe…a gun to their head! Lol!

Seriously though, in regards to the raw fish and boiled eel, I’m just jerkin your chain!…kinda! In all honesty, we’ve never tried those types of food, and probably, if they were prepared properly (and I didn’t know what I was eatin till after I’d eaten it), we could come to enjoy such.

Joking around aside, I have to say in all sincerity, Deb and I both have really enjoyed “White Trash Gatherings!”

Your cookbook is very entertaining to read, it does bring back good memories of back when we were being raised, and you get all those good, “down home” recipes to boot! We feel you did a great job with it!

We picked our copy up at “Books-A-Million,” and are glad we did. We’ve gotten to the point we actually love reading through cookbooks anymore. Many, just like yours, are enjoyable reads. Something to kick back with out in the porch swing, or set back in the recliner with when there ain’t a whole lot on the tube!

One thing that impressed me was the fact that when we went to pay for your book at the checkout counter, they allowed us to purchase your book with Confederate money. God bless ya! Anymore, rare is the occasion to buy anything using Confederate script! Dern carpetbaggers!

Those boogers up in DC keep printin and spendin money like they are, the ole US dollar won’t be worth what a Conferate dollar’ll bring ya!

In closing today, we’d like to say thank you once more, Miss Kendra, for taking the time and droppin us a line. It, like your cookbook, was appreciated! If you’d ever like to post up one of your stories, or share other recipes with us…our door is always open.

We too believe in the fact that, as you state in your book, the “original White Trasher,” Ernie Mickler said it best… “Cooking food, laughing, and storytelling—that’s what we’re made of and that’s what we enjoy most!” Well said indeed!

Again, if you guys would like to check out Miss Kendra’s site for yourselves, and we recommend that you do, it’s… http://fatbackandfoiegras.blogspot.com/

(If I don’t get the hot link to come up, please take the time to type it in and go to it that way. You all know ole Dub’s a technological dinosaur! You can also go to our comment page and hot link from Miss Kendra’s comment using her hotlink. It’s pretty evident that not only is she a lot purtier than I , but much smarter too!)

Before we do close out, let’s take a moment to put a smile on our faces…

Our good friend Diane, has stepped up once more to share a little story, actually two, with us today. As always, thank you Diane…you’re the best!

The Redneck Diet

A Redneck man was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day …… And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.’

When the man returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 40lbs!

‘Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?’

The man nodded … ‘I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on that 3rd day.

‘From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.

“No,” replied the redneck, “from all that skipping!”

Little Johnny

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30″ she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good”, said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Debbie”, said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467″, he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

Toothbrushes”, said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes”, echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town”, said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip &Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.” They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog poop!” Then I would say, “It IS dog poop…wanna buy a toothbrush?”

God Bless you guys, and have a great day, and an even better weekend! Deb says once more for you to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

Let me start off this morning by letting you guys know that our good friend Bob passed away Friday morning about 5:00 am. It’s a hard loss, but we both know that Bob is in a much better place. What a great guy he was, and we’ll all miss him.

God Bless you Bob, we sure enjoyed your company buddy!

Also, Deb and I would like to thank you all for your prayers in Bob and Linda’s behalf, and please keep Linda in your prayers.

Okay, ya’ll know we’d put in a new grow area around our greenhouse. We planted cucumbers and Beefsteak tomatoes, and dern if I haven’t gone and killed our cucumbers, and I’m doin a pretty good job of killin the maters too!

I’m one of those people that when I get an idea, then I hit it “wide open.” It doesn’t matter what it is. I’m the same way with this little endeavor. “Wide open!” Wide open has worked very well for me most times through this life of mine, but there have been times that wide open bites me slap dab in my rear-end too. This just happens to be one of em! LOL!

We brought in all the new compost to grow in, but I hit a snag, and actually a couple of them. The first being our compost is still, “hot,” so the heat generated through our compost is keeping the soil temperatures a little too hot and this is burning the roots on these young plants. Lesson #1…slow down, Dub!

Secondly, we’ve never grown off plants in a greenhouse before. Shoot, I didn’t know you were supposed to “harden” them up some prior to stickin those little fellers out in the full sun??

Shoot, ever since I was just a young pup, I’ve either started my seeds out in the garden, or bought plant sets from the feed-store or wherever, and stuck them straight into the garden as well. FULL SUN, right off the bat! Suck it up, and get tough guys…I’m waitin on you guys to produce me some groceries, let’s get with it!

Well, this is not so when first bringin them out of the greenhouse…no, no! I’ve had some very good gardeners contact me and advise me of my mistakes. They’ve all been very positive on my behalf, and they caution me on this, help me to understand that, all in simple terms.

They’ve all been very supportive and very polite. They’ll say, “you’ll learn,” or “It’s just a bump in the road,” or, “you’ll laugh at this down the road aways.” WHAT they’re really saying to themselves is… “That dern Dub’s a nut!” LOL! I can’t say what Deb calls it!

This is pretty simple to understand if you’ll stop and think it out. An example of this is our greenhouse has a white poly roof. Why? Well, it’s to knock down some of this hot Florida sun. I believe it is a 50% knockdown factor.

Well, DUH Dub…might make sense to harden those little fellers up some before you go to digging holes and droppin plants in, wouldn’t a think? Well, after killin off about 50 new sets, that hardening up some is certainly startin to make a little sense to me! How’d a thunk??

Deb says I’m…a MASS MURDERER! LOL! Deb says a lot of things though, most of which I try to let go in one ear, and right back out the other!

So, lesson # 2 today is, slow down Dub!

“Hardening” the plants, for those that don’t already know, is simply setting them out in the sun a few hours a day to let them adjust to their new environment…or hardening them up some.

Now I don’t mind them hardening up some if that’s what needs to happen, shoot, I’m all for it. I DO know though, them muthas better start hardening up pretty dern quick, cause we got a BUNCH of those little fellers comin on!

So if they don’t harden up fast, then they’re going to have another problem…they’ll be root-bound next, and that’ll be a whole nother post!! LOL!

So, I just figured out there is even a lesson #3 in today’s post…SLOW DOWN DUB, SLOW DOWN some man!! LOL!

I will say this though…I must be of man of good character. Why? Cause it doesn’t matter if I screw up, using today as an example of this, why shoot, I’m laughin about it! What a fine quality this “character thing” must be!

Trouble is, I’m beginning to wonder if it truly is “character,” or the beginning of insanity, cause I do have a tendency to screw up every once in a while! I know one thing for sure…I won’t be askin Deb’s opinion of which SHE thinks it is! I already know the answer to that one! LOL!

So, I’ll be addin a little soil to our compost, hardening up our plants prior to settin em out in the full sun, and I just might give that slowin down some a fair shake…if I can find it in me to do it!
On that note, we’ll share our latest video with you guys, discussing some of all the above!

Well, it is obvious…I did it again!

Since I’ve been poking fun at myself this morning, let’s finish up with a couple jokes…

These come to us today from our good friend Diane. She’s tiltled them, “Holy Humor.”

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s Chosen People.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”

“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”

BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. “Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer,” said his mother.

“I don’t need to,” the boy replied. “Of course, you do “his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.” “That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.

You guys have a great day, and God Bless! Deb says to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

You know, in life you have good days and then scattered throughout life you have days that sometimes just aren’t so good. One thing Deb and I have learned through the years is that most times…life is what you make it.

After her diagnosis with cancer last April Fool’s Day, I asked her was there anything that she’d like to do, anywhere she’d like to go…basically, “WHAT can I do to help? Her answer… “Nothing. I want to spend as much time as I can with the kids and grandkids, BUT, I want you to keep me laughing!” I have.

By the way, ole Deb is doing absolutely fantastic! I don’t believe she’s ever been healthier in her entire life, honestly.

So, in that spirit this morning, let’s forget about our troubles for a few minutes and have us a laugh or two! You gotta laugh, my friends. It truly is, “the best medicine!”

This first laugh comes from our sister-in-law, Patty, my brother’s wife. She’s a card herself, and Patty likes to laugh and cut up as much as we do…

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

The next comes from a good friend of ours in Live Oak. His name is Dick, and we’ve known him for years. Dick used to be our old banker many, many moons ago. He’s getting on up in age. He told me a while back that when younger, he’d run for political office. I asked him if when he ran, we were still part of the original 13 colonies? I think it went over his head…but I got a chuckle out of it!

Dear Abby,

Abby

Our next, comes from our good friend Diane. Diane is from Virginia, and once more, I believe she’s a real “sport-model!”

A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

“Hi Darling”, he says, “Your parents have come to visit us so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say ‘hello’?”

Not tryin to start nothing this morning, but I only have just a short statement on that one…typical woman!!

This next photograph comes from that couple of “wild-childs” out of Mobile, Alabama, who both by the way…are 100%, die-hard, Florida Gator fans!! Ain’t that right Bill? Hey Bill, speak up buddy!! Sandi, you there?? LOL!!

Bill and Sandi did send this. It’s in reference to the Italian cruise ship that ran aground…

Footwear of Choice for an

Then we have our ole buddy Roger, who you NEVER know what he might be sendin ya! It could be from one end of the spectrum clear to the other end, on any number of different subjects!

Today he touches on the animal rights group…PETA. I believe he’s defining to us the words…behind the letters!!

P E T A…P-eople E-ating T-asty A-nimals

Well, that’s Roger, AND, I thought it was funny too! Good one Ra-ja!

Speakin of Roger, let’s close out today with one more from Roger…the Italian Funeral!

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about
200 men walking single file.

The man replied, “Get in line.”

You guys have a great day, and God Bless! As always, the Missus says to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

We had a big event at our house last night around 10:00 pm…RAIN! You betcha! I’m not sure how much we had yet since its only 3:40 this morning, but at 10 it was comin down in sheets. It was supposed to come in several times, with most just a good soakin rain, but the first batch was a “toad-strangler!”

Man, we were needin it. We’d just planted a few rows in the garden this past week, and the pastures were bone dry. The weather has been warm enough for the grass to grow, but the problem was that it was just too dry to do anything.

So, we’ve now had rain, but there’s a cool snap right behind it. They’re callin for a 39 in Tampa in the morning, followed by a 37 the following morning. So here at our place we’ll be lookin at mid-30’s or possibly a little cooler. We’re always 4-5 degrees cooler than Tampa proper.

Well, I don’t know about most of you, but Deb and I both like a good laugh. We’re always getting e-mails that are pretty funny, so this morning I thought that we’d share a few of these with ya’ll. It never hurts to laugh, and maybe we can put a smile on a few faces today!

Let’s start off with… “The Perfect Man.” This was sent to us by Bill and Sandy, from Mobile.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular
phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker
function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to
listen.

He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is?”

As soon as ole Deb read this, she turns around, looks at me and says, “THAT sounds just like something you’d do!” Where do these dern women come up with such observations is what I’d like to know!

Our next chuckle comes from Bill and Sandy once more. I believe ALL they do is garden, watch Alabama “Crimson Tide” football, and tell jokes! They’re both nice as can be, and Deb and I both think the world of those two!

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” Diane replied in her sweetest voice, “I will, Honey, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!”

This one comes from our “ole buddy,” Roger in Virginia. Roger’s a great guy, and a VERY firm believer in our Constitution and the freedoms and liberties it provides for us all! Evidently he’s a great cook, AND…the guy can sew! Sorry Rajah…I couldn’t resist! LOL!

His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi , and he needed a loan, so…he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international Redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The good ‘ole boy replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

This next one comes from…Bill and Sandy!!

A Sharing Marriage…

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

She answered… “THE TEETH.”

We’ll close today with a video sent to us by Roger….

You guys have a great day, and God Bless! Deb says to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

We’d gone up to my Mom and Dad’s, and good gracious, what a feed my Momma put on! I’d told you guys earlier that we now have a Christmas breakfast, and boy it’s a “goodun!” I ‘ve got to say that one of her breakfast staples is exactly what today’s post is all about…grits!

First off, I just can’t believe the people we’ve met that have never tasted them. I swear, for those that haven’t, you honestly don’t realize what you’re missing!

I understand there are some things that some people just won’t eat, and I’m a good example of this statement. One thing I don’t like that you guys will find amazing I believe is…I won’t eat a dern sweet potato! Believe that? Ole Dub won’t get one of those around my mouth, uh, uh!

I wasn’t always that way, because when I was just a kid I loved them. A good, hot, right out of the oven sweet tater, split open and buttered up, it just didn’t get any better than that. But, as we all know, there are some things that get just…TOO good, and that’s what happened between me and them sweet potatoes.

I ate those things at Granddaddy’s and Granny’s one time, and got plumb sick on em, I’d eaten so many of them. Since that day, I’ve never put another one in my mouth, NOT one!

But when it comes to grits, shoot, I just don’t see how anyone won’t eat a big ole helpin of grits! As a matter of fact, it’s actually incomprehensible to me??

I know we’ve shared before some different recipes using grits, and seriously, if you’ve never tried them, you may be in for a very, very pleasant surprise…we all love em.

Anyway, I was opening up some e-mails this morning, and lo and behold, one of them contained a pretty neat story of grits.

It comes from Bill and Sandy, two friends of ours who hail from the Mobile area, and I thought shoot, I’m going to share this with you guys today, and, that’s exactly what we’re fixing to do. We hope you enjoy it, because in reality, here in the South we take our grits pretty dern seriously…it is a food staple to us.

So, kick back, prop your feet up, let’s fire off the cook stove, and let’s talk…grits!

WHAT ARE GRITS?

FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT GRITS HAS DONE A LOT OF RESEARCH!! READ CAREFULLY SO YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THIS KNOWLEDGE TO THE WRONG PEOPLE! AS YOU CAN SEE THIS KNOWLEDGE MUST BE RECORDED AND LOCKED IN A TOP SECRET VAULT WELL GUARDED!! BE CAREFUL OF THE DOGS USED FOR GUARDING AS SOME PEOPLE WILL KNOCK DOWN WALLS TO GET TO GOOD GRITS OR THE RECIPE FOR MAKING THEM!! BE CAUTIOUS…

Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people think grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are lies spread by Yankees. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. Research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed:

Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world’s grit mines are in Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast–not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question.

Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer’s Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and can leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits:

As mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public. The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii (I believe this to have probably been in… “SOUTHERN POMPEII,” LOL! Dub’s two-cents worth!), in a woman’s personal diary. The woman’s name was Herculania Jemimana, who was known as Aunt Jemima to her friends.

The Ten Commandments of Grits:

I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits

II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife

III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy

IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Grits

V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits

VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits

VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits

VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.

IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch…

X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

How to Cook Grits:

For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tablespoons of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, they are done.

How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast-iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes.

How to Eat Grits:

Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. Do NOT use low-fat butter. The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Next, add salt. The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1. Therefore, for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt. Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk. Your grits should rarely be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it’s Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:

Leftover grits are extremely rare and may only be a rumor. Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2″ of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable, but delicious.

Well, what else could you possibly want to know on the subject? I believe that just about covers it!

Well, we sure hope today’s post will have put the ole “try em, you just might like em,” bug in your britches, and if so, once more we feel you might be in for a pleasant surprise. If not, well, that just means…more for us!!

Before we close, we had another friend from Virginia, Roger sent us this video. We just had to share this! Deb and I both got the biggest kick watching these dogs…saying grace before their meals! We loved this, and hope you guys get a kick outta it too!

Thanks Roger…this was a…goodun!

You guys have a great day and God Bless you all. As Deb loves to say, “Keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

I wish I could report to you guys it was on account of Deb keeping me up to all hours of the night, and sometimes she does. I mean, just the other night I sat up with her for quite some time…she wanted to talk…and talk…and TALK!

Shoot, by the time she finally dozed off to sleep…it was dern near 9:30!!Yeah…AT NIGHT! Believe that?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have to get my sleep. Two or three nights in a row of keeping those kind of hours, and that really puts a strain on a “workin man!” LOL!

I gotta tell you though. Around here anymore the word exciting has taken on a WHOLE different meaning! Let me see…I’m tryin to come up with an example or two, to show you what I’m talking about. Hmmmmm…

Well, ah, Dale came to work last week, and was on time TWO of those days. That was kinda exciting.

Then, Deb went to the mall last week, with her and RED together, I was REALLY sweatin that one! She picked up a jacket, 3 or 4 sweaters, I think a dern bra or two and I’m POSITIVE they stopped somewhere for lunch.

Now she only spent about a hundred and a half, so between us…I was very, very happy with that amount! Almost…EXCITED!

Ole Red gets in the truck with her, “goin to town,” normally I’m in trouble! So I really was excited that was all those two spent!

BUT…I think…they think…they’d pulled the wool over my eyes, because while Deb and I were sitting in the swing talking, I saw Red coming out from behind the truck with Cheyenne and Susie, our two dogs. OOPS, I’m sorry, Susie IS a dog, BUT, Cheyenne is “our little girl!” She’d be ticked to no end if she heard me referring to her as…“A DOG!”

The point with Red coming out behind the truck with our dog and “little girl,” is simply he had an empty paper sack in his hand…the kind you might pack someone’s lunch in. You getting the picture here?

Upon seeing that sack in Red’s hand, I asked them where the two liter was? He and Deb looked at each other, and then Deb says, “Oh, it’s still in the truck…we FORGOT! Yeah, that’s what she told me, “they’d forgot,” to take it out of the truck. Well, that excited me too…in a different kinda way!

The reason, well, it’s simple. Before they left for the mall, I explained to them that there was no need to stop, eat lunch, and spend that money. Go on, shop and get what you need, no problem.

As for lunch, well, I got you and Red covered. I made you guy’s two, half baloney sandwiches apiece with mustard, and put a two liter of coke in the sack too, along with a plastic cup…ya’ll can just share that. Really, coke ain’t half bad “lukewarm,” and I don’t believe it’s supposed to get out of the seventies today though, so that coke outta be just fine! At least that WAS the plan!

I can’t prove it, BUT, I guarantee you they tossed those baloney sandwiches, stopped, eat lunch somewhere, and then back to the house. Once here, they’re telling me that the baloney WAS so good, and just how proud they are of me for tryin to look after them like I do!

I’m like, “Okay, you ate the sandwiches, I believe you. SO, why didn’t you drink any of the two liter?” Their answer??

“We just weren’t thirsty!!” Yep, that’s what they told me…”we weren’t thirsty!” They’d eaten TWO, half baloney sandwiches, yet weren’t thirsty…go figure!

You gotta watch those two by themselves, but TOGETHER, good gracious, they’ll get you if you aint careful! So, by my JUST being around those two, I guess you could describe my life… as exciting!

They won’t try to pull the wool over my eyes again for a while, so next time they go, I’ll pack em a lunch they’ll REALLY like…potted meat! That’ll teach em who “butters their toast!”

So as you guys can plainly see…the word “exciting” really just ain’t what it used to be, say like when you’re 25 or so. Exciting back then to me, was a whole nother ball game…wouldn’t you agree?

BUT, this word does still have its moments. You want a good example of this…alright!

Our website.

Since we started doing this site, we have met so many wonderful people. It has been overwhelming to Deb and I, the amount of feedback through shared information and knowledge, concern and prayers, the laughs and jokes we’ve shared, the stories we’ve told or been told, the recipes, or just good, common advice you guys share with us.

Through your response and involvement, we’ve learned so much about people and the goodness in your hearts. This has been one of the most pleasurable experiences Deb and I have ever been involved in. You guys have been just great.

So with that being said, let me express our sincere thanks for all your support and love shown our way, through this site. You all have brought a lot of joy into our lives, and we consider ourselves very lucky to call many of you anymore…our friends! Many of you even becoming extended members of our family.

So, let me wind up this part of today’s story by telling you guys…thanks! Thanks for continuing to make an old man’s life… “EXCITIN!!”

Now, how bout a joke or two.

The first two come from our Virginia buddy, Roger, once again. The third comes from Washington State, and our friend Edith. Thank you guys for sending them to us!!

Bad Parrot:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude, and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

Bear Removal:

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.” He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

“What are you going to do,” the homeowner asks?

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.

The Bear remover declares, “If the bear knocks me off the roof, for God’s sake, SHOOT THE DOG!”

The Brain Transplant:

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

“The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain…”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

“Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.”

Edith also sent Deb and I a video we thought was really cute! We’d talked about a “bear remover” a little earlier, and this video is of a bear and her two cubs…check it out!

One more funny saying before we get outta here today. This one comes from Diane.

“A lion will not cheat on his wife…but a Tiger Wood!”

You guys have a great day, and God Bless. As Deb says, keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb