In all sincerity today, I’d like to say, “God be with you!” He sure stands beside me…

Well, we’re getting our garden fired off. Although it still may be a tad early…I just can’t seem to hold off any longer.

Deb called this…putting the cart before the horse.

Regardless, I’m gonna fire this mutha up!

I’ve set about 400 tomato seeds, some squash, and today will be settin some cucumbers, onions, and probably a few other things as well.

We’re going to be gatherin up some oak leaves, spreadin a little hay, addin some cow manure, a little topsoil, and then turnin up the existing soil and putting everything on beds this go round.

Why beds?

It rained so dern hard last year…many plants simply drowned.

If it’s up to me, this won’t happen again…God willin! If the garden drowns this time…I’ll be wishin I’d of invested in a boat! LOL!

Actually, I’m lookin very forward to this year’s garden. This time around, I’m lookin at this whole scenario of havin a garden much differently than I’ve ever looked at it before.

The reasoning is pretty simple…

One Blessed Man

First, Deb loved to garden. She loved to set the seeds, to set out the transplants, and absolutely loved to nurture them, and watch em grow off. I always did too, but to Deb…this was very special.

She loved pickin the vegetables, she loved shelling the peas, shuckin the corn and making creamed corn to bag and freeze for later.

She loved to can the vegetables the best, though. This reasoning too, is pretty simple as well…she wouldn’t TOUCH…the pressure cooker! She designated the cannin to…MOI!

See why she loved the cannin process so well?

Anyway, Deb and I were kinda semi-retired, and we both spent a lot of time enjoyin a dern garden. It was in our blood, and we were fortunate enough to have a place that God had provided us the opportunity to do so.

We didn’t have money, but we had a dream…

A dream to one day have a place like we have. Through our work ethic, our ability to save some of what we made, which by the way, as most know…took sacrifice.

But this great Country allowed us the ability to…live our dream.

I won’t elaborate on this today, because it’s not what this post is about, but boy, oh boy, dern if I ain’t chompin at the bit TO ELABORATE on it some…

Another day perhaps! LOL!

Deb and I had always gardened, but we’d planned to one day grow vegetables here on our place as more than just tinkerin around.

We wanted to sell them, and plants as well. Do other things as too, but, God decided He needed her more than I, so…here I am now…chompin at the bit to live this dream that the two of us shared.

Deb, during her battle with cancer…talked WITH God. I’ve shared this with you guys in the past, and I’m here to tell you…God spoke with her too. Honestly, if you could have been around her, you too would have listened to her, and became acutely aware, that this woman, WAS holding a conversation…WITH God.

It was incredible to the end, but when she first started speaking with me about this, I was like, well, okay…if you say so???

As time passed, and I started REALLY listening to what Deb was telling me, it became so very apparent, that she WAS…talking with God.

Honestly guys, she was!

When she first was diagnosed with cancer, as most know, she did chemo once.

After this experience she told me…no more. We’ll research alternative treatment, and we’ll go from there, and…we did just that.

Her quality of life was absolutely amazing, and she never doubted, she never wavered. She never, for one second, didn’t believe, in her heart, that this was exactly what God had in mind for her to do.

Her work ethic , and her positivity, were both incredible.

But, one of her reasoning’s for doing alternatives was simple…to help the children!

It literally broke her heart to see these small children at the cancer clinic. These kids, their hair gone, and the chemo drips hooked into their little arms.

This broke her heart.

She told me, “Doug, I’m doing alternatives, and one reason is to try to find another type of treatment to combat this disease. I, at 54 years of age, can decide for myself…my treatment. Those little guys can’t. They don’t have the option of telling their parents, or their Doctors…I’d like to combat this in another way.”

“For them…this door is closed. SO…IF, I can find another way, a better way…this is my goal. I believe too, this is God’s plan for me.”

This is exactly what Deb did.

One other dream she had, involved our place.

She loved living on the lake we lived on prior to moving down here. She loved our neighbors, but she also told me on numerous occasions, that God had SO Blessed her with our living here, and not at the lake, during her fight with cancer.

Her reasoning for this too was simple.

This place provided her with many spots where she could walk, get up under a tree somewhere, hit her knees…and talk to God.

She told me numerous times of how she’d just wander around looking at the trees, the pasture, the cows, and the wildlife.

She spoke lovingly of hearing the birds sing, and just overall…the beauty of God’s creation.

She explained that although she loved living at the lake, and our neighbors, it would have been much tougher to deal with her cancer there. This place provided for her…privacy when she needed it, and the ability to just walk around…her, and God!

Solitude…

So, she came down one morning and expressed just that to me. How God had blessed her with being here, and it was in God’s plan, for her to build two small cabins, here on her place she loved so well, and to share this…with others.

To afford them a place to come, for 2-3 days, free of charge, after their own diagnosis, and enjoy these very same qualities this place provided for her.

A place to come, and clear their minds. A place to come to that would give them the peace…to plot their own course. A place to share our lifestyle, and hear about her decision to fight this disease the way she’d chosen to.

Our garden and it’s bounty to share as well…

Aren’t you guys beginning to see now, just how very blessed I am?

Good night a livin folks, what a wife God blessed me with! Her inspiration was, and still is a blessing to me each and every day!

God blessed us both in the ability to have her here, for her to spend her last days in her home, in her bed…with only her family and friends around her! This was only a small token of our love for her, in the ATTEMPT to show her the very same love she always had…for us.

We were ALWAYS first in her eyes, so how in the world could we not have done what we did for her?

We couldn’t have, AND, we wouldn’t have!

Not just that, but to be around Debbie, and see her total trust in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, and believing in her heart, in her heart my friends, that exactly what she was doing was indeed…God’s plan for her!

She was the most incredible and inspiring witness of God’s love that I could ever have been around.

Through Debbie’s perseverance…I too became intrigued by…How DO I…get that very same??

Between Deb, and many of our friends, some even just as if appearing out of the blue through an unintended Facebook invite, or through a video they’d watched, or even through one of our posts, I’d like to thank every one of you!

I too have now become a true believer.

So now, FINALLY, I fully understand that God has blessed me yet still, another time.

Although I am new to Christianity, I have found a Book in the Bible that means so very much to me. I gotta say, the whole Bible, or at least what I’ve read of it so far is all great, but there is one particular Book that just stands out to me.

Isaiah 53 is one chapter I read that just…made it all come together! It is the most profound thing I’ve ever read! I read it often…

Isaiah’s Garden

Well, as I said, I’ve been chompin at the bit in regards to this year’s garden. THIS garden IS the start…of the plan Deb and I had in the back of our heads, in regards to our retirement, and spending the rest of our lives together.

The circumstances HAVE changed, but not…THE DREAM!

It still lives, and I must say, this dream, WILL come to pass!

I am a very driven person, and once I see clearly what I envision as, my destiny, for lack of a better description…I attack it.

Full bore, and head-on.

This is where I’m at with this garden. It is the start of something bigger than me. It is the start of what Deb saw, that I didn’t. It is the start of something that can, and will, benefit others.

Her little cabins will come to be. Her dream of sharing with others, this place she loved so well…will come to take place.

I promised her the day before she left us…this WOULD happen, and although she wouldn’t be here with us…she’d know all about it…AND, she will!

Pardon my “French,” but come hell or high-water…this will happen…

I’d been thinking of what to call this dream of Deb’s, this vision she saw as her destiny?

I considered strongly, “Immanuel’s Garden,” as I liked the meaning…God is with us.

Then speaking to a very dear friend of Deb and I both, Kathrine, I mentioned the name I had in mind.

Here immediate response was, “Doug, why not… “Isaiah’s Garden?” I know how profound the Book of Isaiah has been in your young walk with God, and I feel this more appropriate in your regard.”

I knew immediately that she was right!

“Isaiah’s Garden…” has been conceived.

Now…getting it up and runnin is the focus. I’m lookin forward to the challenge, and growin this off.

I WANT others to benefit from Deb’s vision, of good, nutritious food. Food grown from heirloom seeds, not genetically altered seeds.

Seeds once more, supplied to us, not by man…but by God!

Not only this, but good night what an opportunity to meet people, and share with them…Deb’s story, and what God brought about in her life, in my life, and what HE can bring to the table in their own lives as well!

This is going to be such an incredible experience!

In my heart I want this to be a fine example of a man and a woman’s love for one another, and the dream they shared.

Through this, hopefully I, “WE,” can help others to find God, and to show them, through my own faith, and my own example, what a difference HE does make.

“Isaiah’s Garden” is not just about Deb and I.

“Isaiah’s Garden,” is to symbolize the love and bond shared by all the others out there who have lost their spouse, and in this way, let others know who haven’t experienced this very same heartache, that even though the loss is tremendous, we will always remember them with love and affection.

Our lost loved ones will ALWAYS be a part of our lives, just as Deb will be walking around with me every single day, in…our garden!

Our garden is to be a part of, and shared with, Kathrine and Ronnie, Gerry and Eleanor, Billy and Karen, Ken and Trisha, Kelly and Kent, Chet and Sandra, “Uncle Dave,” and all the others whose spouse may be gone, but will never be forgotten!

As I am in the garden, I promise I’ll think of not just Deb, but all of you as well!

It too is to be shared by one other, very special friend, to Deb and I.

Her name is Judi.

Judi too, is a member of this fraternity we share, although in Judi’s regard, her experience with loss surpasses most of ours.

She is such an inspiration to me. What an incredible lady she truly is, and through her own generosity, she provided Deb and I an opportunity to meet so many of you good, good people.

I do have to question, just for a moment, her judge of character?? I have to believe that after her meeting “ole Dub,” she too has questioned this very same many, many times!!

In all sincerity though, what a blessing Judi has been to us, and what a blessing all you guys have been to us as well!

You guys have no idea how much you played a part in Deb… “Keeping that smile on her face, and one in her heart!”

God Bless you all!

Dub AND Deb

Well, let’s try this…I’m back, once more.

I gotta tell you guys that the loss of a spouse has been much, much tougher than I would ever have imagined.

It’s been as if I just couldn’t shake it??

I’d feel better, only to realize once more, that I was nowhere near where I should be in regards to my life. Up and down, up and down. Good days, bad days…

Where’s normal, I’d ask myself?

Will I ever BE normal again?

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out just where I was at, and even worse, how to get back to this…this…thing known as normal?

I’ve talked to countless friends who’ve experienced this same thing, and every one of them have tried to express the time involved, the effort involved, the emptiness, the “firsts” that come around that you have to deal with.

Birthdays, holidays, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc., etc…

My last post, about a month ago, I thought I was beginning to FINALLY get things together again, only to slip once more, into some type of funk??

I don’t know any other way to describe it…just some type of funk.

I have a friend who’d told me of her coming home in the evening, locking the doors, pulling down the blinds, keeping the house dark where people would think her not home, or in bed.

She just couldn’t, or didn’t, want to deal with them.

Pretty awful stuff there…not wanting to deal with friends or family, huh?

I been there, and done that. Still do to an extent.

Not by sitting in the dark with the lights out, or the blinds pulled sort of thing…

Myself, I just locked the dern gate, hung up a “NO TRESPASSIN” sign, that also states…

SURVIVOR’S WILL BE PROSECUTED!! LOL!

Another good friend I spoke with just a week or so ago, who, while talking with me, suddenly broke down, and began explaining, probably sharing being the better word here, of her love for her husband.

Man…it was literally heartbreaking guys! It touched me so completely listening to her, that it was mind boggling!

BUT…it was so inspiring at the same time to me, to just sit back and listen to another, tell me of her total love, that she STILL has for her husband.

This love, these two ladies feel, was exactly the same type of love that Deb and I had, and I know that there are so many out there, although married, and many, for years and years, who, unfortunately, have never known the type of love that we’ve shared.

Again, to sit back and listen to someone share this with me is just awesome!

It truly blesses me for someone to care enough about me to share, or confide in me, in such a way.

You can tell, right off the bat, the sincerity in their hearts, the conviction they still have, and the most meaningful to me…their expression of love!

I’ve come to understand as well, that the grief that people have, is really not the same.

But I’ve also come to see firsthand that many of these same people, when speaking of the loss of their spouse, talk about…

God’s love!

Honestly, I’m one for sure, who can attest to this as well.

I do not think that I could have dealt with Deb’s loss without God’s help.

I mean, we did EVERYTHING together. We even bathed together…

Not really…but it wasn’t cause I didn’t want too! LOL!

But we actually did do most everything together. Good night, we were so blessed, Deb and I.

Fortunately through, I got to see this love that God has for us, through Debbie. I’m telling you guys, I saw it daily…every single day!

She never doubted, not for one minute, that all this she was going through was simply, a plan…God’s plan.

The night we sat in the swing on the porch for our last time, she told me, “You know Doug, I’m ready, if God’s ready for me. I know where I’m going, and I want to see heaven.”

“I want to see my Mama and Daddy again. It’s been a long, long time since my Daddy has called me… “Little Bit.”

“The only problem that I think I might have is… I’ll miss my family here. This is my only drawback…”

How could I not have seen where this was going, but I swear, I didn’t. I only thought she was probably just having a bad day, and in a day or two, shoot, she’d be “up and at em,” once again. She always did before??

Anyway…

Things really are starting to get much better, finally…

I think??

I was on the porch last Friday evening, and thinking about this very thing…this funk that I just seemed to not be able to simply shake off.

I’m telling you guys, I’m NOT this type of guy that gets down, and has a dern “pity party!”

Yet, I could not seem to set things straight, from a mental standpoint. It’s by far, the most confused I’ve ever been in my entire life, and to be honest…

I’m SICK of it!

On top of that, I decided right then, that I’m through with it too!

I’ve never been one to have to jot things down to remember what to do. I’ve just always knew.

Priorities always seemed to just fall first on my mental list, and as the day progressed, I’d finish up with things that weren’t quite so important.

It was just always the way I did things.

BUT, those days are gone, at least for the time being, and it’s quite evident of this being simply, the way it is, this not being able to focus.

SO, I looked back and put quite a bit of thought into this thing I call…funk.

Then I remembered, a very, very close friend of mine, Ronnie, whom Deb nicknamed, “Turtle.”.

The reasoning for “Turtle,” was simply Ronnie drove his dern truck so slowly, even with the windows down…his hair didn’t blow!

Literally…it couldn’t!

That dern Ronnie made a list of things he wanted to get accomplished the next day. As the day progressed, he simply checked this particular chore, or errand off the list.

I used to tease him constantly, “Oh man, I just do em. I don’t need a dern list.”

He’d just grin, that possum eatin something or other grin he had, and tell me that he just couldn’t remember everything like he once had…this list saw to it that he got what he needed to get done…done.

Saturday…I had a list!

You know what guys…ole Ronnie was right on.

Although only just a few days into this, the benefit I’ve received from it is already proving to be very beneficial. This list allows me to stay focused on a project until I’m through with it.

Then, I check it off the dern list!

I’ve not been able to, since Deb’s passing, to stay focused most times.

I see good things happening once again.

God Bless my ole friend…Ronnie!

Ya came through in the clutch, buddy!

THANK ya friend!

I truly believe that my memory, and my ability to get things right, and to stay focused, will return one day.

But, if not…

I got my list!

I really want to start posting again guys, and one reason for this post today is I wanted you to know that I had still been struggling a little. Hopefully now, I’m getting back on “the good foot,” once again!

I’ve missed you all…

BUT, you’re now…on MY list! LOL!

You all have been a great support to me, and good night a livin, in Deb’s regard, you all touched our hearts to the core!

Each and every one of you, are a blessing from God.

I mean that from my heart!

Thanks for everything, God Bless, and be sure to, “Keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!”

Dub and Deb