This morning I’d like to discuss a person who is very near, and dear to my heart. She is the other, and the better half, of this site known as Dub and Deb’s.

Yesterday, at 12:15 in the afternoon, marked 5 months since my Deb passed away. Good night guys…I miss her.

I know that each and every one of us must go through passing from this life to death. I also know that when this passing occurs, prior to that…we have a choice to make in our lives.
This simply being, eternal death, or, eternal life.

I’m very proud this morning to state that I know, undoubtedly, that my Deb, through her deep conviction and belief that Jesus Christ did in fact die on the cross to wash away OUR sin, she simply went to sleep 5 months ago, then awoke…in the presence of God.

What a comfort to me personally, this is.

We started this site at the end of Jan, 2011, because of Judi and Brian, and the Canada Free Press. Little did we know what a blessing these two had instilled in our lives. By this, as I sit here this morning, I’m struck by the fact once again, of how God does work mysteriously in our lives.

Judi, Brian…I love you guys! Deb did too, by the way!

Deb and I were having such a good time cutting up with you guys, and as you can see from some of her posts early on…she was quite the character too!

She used to tell me how blessed we were with this site because in some of her writings she’d talk of growing up. This made her so happy, because through these memories, she got caught up, once again, in days gone by.

She loved sharing these memories of hers, and she stated in some of her posts that she sincerely hoped that by reading of her past, that this indeed would evoke fond memories of your own!

Shortly after starting this site though, in April, actually April 1st (April Fools Day, believe that?) Deb was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. We were told…it WAS terminal, and that there’d be no cure.

For those that know, I won’t get into the rest of this story, I’ve told it before…for those that don’t, here’s the link.

Speaking of this story, I attended a good friend’s surprise birthday party last Saturday.

Anyway, I met a guy, John, and we got to talking there at the table. Imagine that, me wanting to talk? Usually I’m the quiet, reserved guy sittin around saying nothing! LOL!

Anyway, somehow we got on the topic of Deb. I mentioned that Deb had chosen alternative treatment, and had decided against chemo after her first treatment. He then asked me to tell him the story.
I did.

Come to find out, his own wife had been through “the cancer thing” herself, a couple years back. It was found VERY early, they had a single mastectomy, and had had, no trouble since. Praise God, huh?
Well, by now the table is filling and John’s wife comes up and sits down.

John now says, “Share your story with my wife please.”

I look at John and go, “You’re killin me here John.”

He then apologizes, but I say okay, here goes…again.

Good night, I started once more, and dad-gummit, I was teary-eyed on a few occasions. The WHOLE table was listening, and I’m actin like a “titty-baby.” LOL!

Let me say this very quickly though…I’ve LEARNED…showing emotion is not a bad thing at all. At first it used to embarrass me to no end, but now…I could care less. Ain’t nothing but a thing!

They told me I could stop, but I said, “No, just give me a minute and I’ll be fine,” and I was. BUT, I also told them that this was the LAST time I’d be telling it today!

Deb’s story was, and still is such a story of inspiration, and by doing what SHE knew, in her heart, that this was indeed the way God had instructed her in this regard. To be honest…I HAVE to tell it from time to time.

I feel…it NEEDS to be told!

When Deb passed, the first couple three weeks, were very hard. I could NOT focus on anything. I’d start a project to stay busy…only to lose interest in it altogether. That’d be the end of that.
Then I came to the realization that I MUST start over…I had to focus once again on living life.

My entire character is built upon the “pedal to the metal” mentality. I’ve always believed that once I “stepped into the ring of life,” I’d take a few shots, BUT, this mentality also instilled into me that although I may indeed take a few shots, before I left the ring, I’d have chunked a few more than I took!

So, away I went. I’d put this loss behind me, and everything would be just fine. Deb had told me on numerous occasions… “LIVE LIFE! GO ON, with YOUR life, and I’ll always be there, in your heart, to help fill the void if anything ever happens to me!”

She has! She does every day!

I still have my days, plus, looking back now, I did some awfully stupid things after her passing, thinking the whole time that I was acting quite sanely, but at times I was acting quite the opposite, actually.
Only now am I getting things really back into perspective.

Grief, I’m finding out, is a come and go thing. One minute you’re feeling as if you’ve got “the bull by the horns” again, only to figure out shortly thereafter, that you ain’t even grabbing the bull at the end WITH THE HORNS!

You go through some pretty confusing times.

Anyway, I guess this post today is kinda like a thank you to Deb. She is in fact gone, but she still lives on, in my heart!

It also is a thank you to all the people out there who contacted us throughout our, actually HER ordeal, and wished us the very best. You guys sent such heartwarming condolences, and prayers. I’ll never forget this!

5 months?

This is so odd.

If you put 5 months into your mind, and consider how quickly the weeks pass in our normal, daily routines, it passes so very quickly. As an example, I can’t believe today is Thursday? Seems like Monday… was yesterday.

Do you guys go through this? I guess this comes with age, or at least that’s what I’ve always been told.

Yet this past 5 months in Deb’s regard seem…so, so long ago! It seems like it was back in my distant past. Is that crazy, or what?

I really can’t comprehend it in any other way. I try, but it just seems so long ago? I don’t know?

Strange…

Deb, as most everyone knows by now, had a saying that has always been very dear to her. It simply states, “Keep a smile on your face, AND one in your heart.”

I have to be honest with you all this morning…SHE lived this daily.

No matter what trials or tribulations lay ahead of her, or she was experiencing already, SHE ALWAYS had that smile of hers on her face, and if you knew her, you were very much aware that it was in her heart as well.

It showed constantly! Debbie was truly…a beacon of love.

I’ve been thinking about the holidays. Thanksgiving is just next week. Good night, how will I deal with it when the time comes?

But you know what…I’’ll be fine. I’ve come to realize the Good Lord has blessed me in so many ways. Bringing Debbie into my life is probably the greatest. We had 26 years of Thanksgiving daily! How great is that?

So this is exactly what I’ll be giving thanks for this Thanksgiving. Those 26 years we shared with each other! Our God continually blesses me!

We were so blessed during our lives together, and those last 9 days together were such a blessing as well. Deb was at home with me, and I was able to take total care of her. God was looking after us.

The love we had shared during our lives together was allowed to be a part of our closure as well. I am a very blessed man indeed!

How blessed? Listen to this…

1 Thessalonians 54:15-17

This comes from a letter written by Paul to the Thessalonians…

We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died.

Then we will be with the Lord forever.

My journey into Christianity again, is only beginning. But I tell you this..I fully intend on being caught up in the clouds and being with our Lord and Savior, hoping as well that I’ll be with Deb once again…eternally.

Then, in verse 18, we are told…

So encourage each other with these words.

This, as Christians, is exactly what God wants us to do. Encourage others. We can make a difference in a persons life, saved, or not, simply through…encouragement.

How hard is that?

In closing today I’d like to share with you guys a video I did, I think about 16 days after Deb’s passing. I don’t think I ever put this up on this site, but only on YouTube. If I did, I apologize.

I know that I had told of Deb’s passing in the post I linked to above, but just like you guys, we have so many friends on YouTube that consoled and prayed for us during that time, I knew I had to let them know about Deb too.

To all you guys out there, this is not about me, but about the love Deb and I shared. It was incredible guys, it really was.

If I could ever bless you guys with anything, it’d be simply for you all, when your time comes, to be able to share with your own spouse, the blessing that Deb and I received. This, just being able to be at home with each other, to comfort and console each other, and to take care of your loved one just as Deb and I were blessed to do.

She would have done the very same for me.

Verse 18 spoke of encouragement, right? Well, hopefully this little story will do exactly that.

God Bless you all, and remember… “Keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!”

Dub and Deb

I have to state that Deb is in a much better place no doubt, and in my heart, for this, I’m ecstatic. She deserves any and all good that comes her way. She was quite a lady, and looking back now I was so blessed she came into my life.

I knew this already, but since her absence, I truly understand how blessed I actually was.

Fortunately for me, God instilled in me a great sense of humor. Through this, I’ve been able to laugh or throw off many of the challenges in my own life. This is still the case. It is still true in this latest challenge…life without my Deb will probably be the greatest challenge I’ve ever faced.

But…

Just the other night I came down the stairs, I opened up the fridge and took out a gallon of milk. Taking it out, I stood there and contemplated for a moment or two. I then took the jug, placed it to my lips and drank 3-4 good slugs…straight out of the jug.

I looked up skyward and said with a smile…”Deb, how bout them apples,” then had a good laugh. She used to jump my case if I attempted such as that before, and she’d always say, “Dub, get a dern glass!”

I’d pick back at her and tell her that you don’t even drink milk, I’m the only one in the house that does, and she’d fire right back, “That’s not the point, get a glass.”

So, I see that even though she’s not here with me, in my heart I can still get under her skin…I’m sure my antics still can bring a smile to her. I sure hope so anyway.

Although while she was sick the last 10 days or so of her life, I continued our walking regime almost daily. The only times I didn’t were the times I was here with her alone. My juicing I’d stopped altogether but knew the first chance I got that too would be started again in earnest.

This started this past Wed., and I’ll continue this from here on out.

During one of my walks I got to thinking about Deb, and all the things she’d done to make my life complete in so many ways. Juicing was but one example.

We started this in our hopes of building a “super immune system” for her in her fight with that dern cancer, but since day one I’d told her… “I’ll do everything you do, every step of the way,” and, I did.
I realized during that particular walk that my little Deb was in fact going to lose her fight, BUT, that by getting me into juicing, and the exercise routine we had become involved in, she truly, truly, had probably saved my own life.

When Deb was diagnosed, and we started all this, I weighed in at a mere…317 pounds. So as you see, I was just a little feller! Today, I’m down to 259, and want to, no, I’M GOING TO, get down to 225-230.

Why? Well, mainly because of the inspiration she instilled in me through her own work ethic and toughness. She was unbelievable in her conviction. She never doubted she could, and would, conquer this disease.

Sadly for me, yet such a blessing for her, is that although our lives together are done, she now has eternal life.

I told her just prior to her passing that, “Honey, this cancer did not beat you, I know in my heart this is true, it’s just God needs you now and I’ve got to let you go…you’ll always be in my heart!”

Life is becoming a little easier day to day. It’s no cakewalk I assure you, yet I know that Deb herself is helping to ease my pain…she had actually told me she would…and I know this to be true.

I want to share with you guys something this morning that I’ve had some reservations about, but upon giving this much thought, I feel it appropriate to do so. It is an example of my love for Deb, yet it is nothing at all that I know, 100%, that she’d have done for me the EXACT same thing. It is merely an example of two people’s total, unconditional love for one another.

This experience for me was without a doubt, the single most satisfying, most gratifying thing I’ve ever done. The entire process gave me such peace it was almost incomprehensible. I only hope and pray that many more of you can experience this outpouring of love in regards to the loss of a spouse. If you do, you’ll know the feeling I experienced.

Deb was so blessed to have been able to stay in our home during her last days. Without a doubt, I too was blessed for this very same reason. God walked beside her, and smiled on her, right to the very end.

We had been told to call Hospice by her Doctor that she loved and trusted about 10 days before her death. So, we did.

Once they came to the house they’d offered 24-7 care, yet I politely and firmly explained to them that this was not needed…I WAS Hospice in her regard. You guys can come check her, but that’s it…and they did.

I could not for the life of me come to grips with strangers, no matter how well intentioned, taking care of my little Deb. This…was set in stone.

After her passing, I took off her little night clothes, bathed her, then redressed her in a little outfit I knew she liked, and one that I’d always enjoyed seeing her in as well.

Mark (Red), our son had come in and we laid her back down on her pillow, I brushed her hair and I swear…she was so pretty lying there, and it was so evident she was so at peace. What a beautiful sight.
I lay down beside her and held her, ran my fingers through her hair and fell asleep beside her while waiting on the funeral home. How great an experience is that? My God, how blessed we both truly were!

Her passing tore my heart out, but once we’d done all we’d done and saw her at that point…everything came into perspective. Debbie had gone home. A feeling of peace I probably never again will experience came over me…instantly. She was already filling the hole in my heart, just as she’d told me she would…

Anyway…

I have to thank all of you once more in regards to your thoughts, concern, support and prayers for my Deb. They were all well received and appreciated.

So now, I’ll be trying to turn the page, never closing this chapter of my life, just starting again…as Deb wanted me to do.

Hopefully after this coming week I’ll have closure in taking care of all the remaining business still at hand. After that, it’s back to business as usual, back to our gardening, and back to the greenhouse.

I’ve not set foot in our garden or our greenhouse, except just to grab a tomato or something, in probably a month and a half. They have been totally neglected, and although I hate it, I’d not have had it any other way…they were not, THE, priority!

Our friends and neighbors have stopped in and got some, but still much is hitting the ground. This will change directly. I’ve got my work cut out for me, but I’m kinda bitin at the bit to get rolling once again.

Give me just a little time to get all the “loose ends tied up,” and we’ll start back once more talking about gardens, sharing a few recipes, and having a good laugh or two with Dub and Deb in “Ridin Out the Recession!”

God Bless you all and I want you to be sure and keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart! I promise you…she’s watchin us all to see that we do just that!

Dub and Deb