Spring Cleaning…by the numbers, and “One-Eared” Bob

Good morning all! Welcome back to Miz Judi’s Kitchen, and we’re glad to see everyone again. We hope all goes well in your lives today, and every other day too.

Ya wanna put a frown on Dale and “one-eared Bob’s faces? Just mention that you’re headed up to Deb’s to do a little spring cleaning. That woman made a believer out of those two.

We hadn’t gotten to our spring cleaning earlier because of Deb’s situation, and I just believe it had gotten to the point it was driving her crazy. It was beginning to get next to me too, and I swear if she hadn’t grabbed the bull by the horn in this regard, then I’m sure I would have. I literally couldn’t have stood it myself, over another year or too!

I’ve been telling Dale forever, “You think I’m tough to work with? Shoot, I’m a pussycat compared to my ole…I mean Deb. You ever get the opportunity to be involved in something she’s runnin the show on, well…you’ll see what I mean!”

Sure enough, ole Dale got him a good dose of “the major” all last week! If any of you are old enough to remember the movie “Major Dundee,” with Charlton Heston, then you probably remember the theme song too.

If you do, then you know part of the lyrics are…

“Fall in, behind the major….

Fall in, behind the MAJOR!”

That’s just exactly what she expects you to do…fall in, and if you don’t, well, then she jumps in! Jumps in what, you say? As Dale puts it…”You’re sh..!”

Oh, and she is good at it. Dale an ole “one eared” Bob, got a dose of Deb a few times last week…Dub too! I have to say this though. By the time she got through with us…her place (not ours…hers!) was clean, very, very clean.

We started outside, and bleached the entire house, then pressure washed everything. Eaves, soffits, walls, posts, under the entire porch roof, windows, all concrete flooring, shutters, you name it…it got cleaned. All under Deb’s expert supervision, again, just ask Dale.

Man, we got the grass mowed, weed-eated, and knocked out the entire outside area. We’re all going, “Yeah man, almost done,” and once we got done with these things, and shut the water hose down for the last time, out comes ole Deb.

She had us a Gatorade apiece in her hands, and told us to sit down and she’d bring us all out a sandwich. Boy, Dale and Bob (you all know Bob has one ear now, right), were happy. When she brought the sandwiches us to us and told Dale and Bob that they’d done a good job and it looked great, they were ecstatic!

After letting those two “savor the moment,” for a little while, Deb says, “As soon as you guys finish eating, let’s go inside and start cleaning.” You ought to have seen those two’s expression.

They looked over at me as if they wanted me to step in, or say something, and I did…I asked them, “Just think guys, how would you like to be married to her?” I’m almost positive I heard Dale mutter, “Oh, hell no!”

Long story short, we were inside right after lunch. They thought Deb was picky on the outside, but once we got inside, she took cleaning to a new level, but after 3 more days, we had it whipped, as were we.

Dusting, vacuuming, wiping down, cleaning the window blinds, sweeping, rearranging furniture, pulling furniture out, and cleaning behind it, even steam cleaning the carpets.

When all was said and done, she was very pleased with HER place again. Shoot, it never was dirty, just a little out of place, but you’d of thought we could have gardened in the living room the way she got to carrying on about it.

Deb’s like I am though, once we see a project, we want to go ahead and get it done, not lolly-gag around with it. We spring clean around April every year, and not getting it done this year was driving her batty! But between us, before we got it done, we thought she’d drive us batty too.

Now you might have noticed that we’d hired a “new guy” to help us out…one-eared Bob. This was on account Creek Dog has retired evidently. He got a new gal moved in with him, and to be honest, we haven’t seen him again!

Livin on love! I tried that a couple times…dern near starved to death!

Dale told us the other day that Creek Dog had gone to see the Doctor, and came back claiming he had “anal glaucoma.” It seems that once you come down with it, you just can’t see your ass going to work for a while.

Well, with Deb and I not knowing how long these symptoms last, we figured we might wanna go ahead a hire “one-eared” Bob, and we did.
I’d seen Bob many times going by the house on his bicycle, pedaling mostly, but there were a time when he didn’t have to pedal at all. He’d taken one of those ultralight plane motors, with the prop on the back of it. He’d strap that dern contraption on his back, fire that mother off, and away he’d go! That dern thing would sail him up and done the road!

You’d hear him coming down the road a mile off, and when he got out in front of the house you’d have to look quick if you wanted to see him, if not, he was done by you. He said the dern thing would shove him over 60 mph., and Dale and Creek Dog both had told Deb and I that it’d do every bit of it.

They told us, that once Bob had a blowout on his front tire and had a heck of a wreck, but he got a new tire and was right back in the saddle again. He told Deb and I that he blew out a rear time coming home once, too.

He claimed he was a mile from his house, the tire blew out, but this didn’t stop him. He kept the motor going, and “rode home on the rim.” He said this worked fine until he crossed the bridge over the creek, and the bump, caused his rim to totally collapse. This was his second crash, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the one where his front tire blew out, or this is what he told us anyway.

I’d never talked with Bob prior to his starting work, and again, we’d only just seen him going by. But everything we heard about him was that he simply was a nice guy, and he is.

I’d never seen Bob up close before either, and I knew everyone called him “one-eared” Bob, so with his nickname being pretty descriptive, I kinda figured he was indeed missing a part of his ear.

Once we saw him, it was quickly apparent that a part of it wasn’t missing, but the whole dern thing was. Lopped off right up to the head!
After working with him a while, I asked him what must it be like to be walking down the road with the sun at his back, and looking down upon that shadow?? He said truthfully, that this did bother him some, because when he looked down at the shadow, it made him look and feel wop-sided!

I said, “Shoot Bob, don’t you fret none over that, cause if you stay with Dale and I long enough…we’ll just make you a dern ear!” He laughed and said that some friends of his had already given him a ear.

I said, “Are you kidding me?”

He said, “Naw Dub, they brought it to me one evening in a box and told me they had a surprise for me.” He said he opened the box, and sure enough, there lay an ear…from a Mr. Potato Head! He said you just stick the little protruding stem in his earhole (it’s still there), and that was it.

I said, “Well shoot Bob, that ain’t done a dern thing for your shadow, did it?” He just laughed and said, “Not really, with the size difference, I still look wop-sided!”

So, as you can see, ole Bob is a pretty good sport, and takes it all in stride. Deb and I both were impressed with Bob, and I have to say that he is one polite guy. Bob’s probably 50 I’m guessing, but I really don’t know.

I’m wondering about ole Bob as I’m writing this this morning. He hasn’t been to work the last two days, so I’m wondering after working for Deb the last week or so with spring cleaning, if he might not have a new nickname now.

With Deb capable of just working your rearend off when she’s runnin the show, ole Bob may be considered, “one-cheek” Bob now, and I’m in no way talking about the ones on the side of your face, but the two considerably further south.

Remember once more…that I’m married to her!

We hope you guys enjoyed your visit today, and God Bless you all! Deb says to tell you guys to remember to keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb

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2 Responses to Spring Cleaning…by the numbers, and “One-Eared” Bob

  1. jwlrymkr says:

    HA HA HA! I can’t stop laughing. This was very funny!

  2. Mari says:

    Now this is the way I like for cleaning to be done!! I want things done the same way! I even keep inventory list of what we have and where it is stored. Your article has made my day. Thanks!

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