Bikes, Gyp, and “Little Johnny”

Good morning guys! How’s everybody today? We hope this finds all in good health and spirits. I’m doin well, and have been stayin pretty busy around here.

First off, I have to tell you a quick story on ole Bob. Bob you know works with me here on the place. Well, Bob rides his bicycle EVERYWHERE! You may be 5-10 miles from the house and look out your car window and there pedalin away, is ole Bob.

Anyway, I asked last week if he’d like a ride up to Publix, a grocery chain here in Florida, and he said that he’d appreciate it. So, off we went.

On the way we were just talkin and Bob said that he had heard Jeff Foxworthy talkin about people that ride bikes, and said that Foxworthy had indeed “pegged him” in regards to bike ridin.

I had no earthly idea as to what he was talkin about, although I was definitely goin to hear about it whether I wanted to or not.

So Bob rambles on about Foxworthy declarin that if you saw a man out ridin a bike, it was…exercising. BUT, if you saw a man ridin a bike with a cigarette in his hand, it was…TRANSPORTATION!

I almost fell out of the truck. Bob is so dry most times in regard to his sense of humor, when he told me this story I almost cracked up. It was absolutely hilarious to me! Ole Bob…he never ceases to amaze me!

Some of you guys know that Bob has only one ear, and most around here have designated his handle as… “one-eared Bob.” I believe Bob had a growth on it and they took it off slap even at his head. He’s a great sport about it and comes up with all kinds of tales about his situation.

He was tellin Red and I once that when they first lobbed the dern thing off, the hardest adjustment he had was simply walkin down the road, the sun at his back…and seein the shadow he was castin. Said it kinda made him feel…unbalanced!

He’s a “sports-model” for sure though.

He talks SO soft most times, and although it’s soft…it’s NON-STOP! It is aggravatin though cause you’ll be TRYIN to work, but at the same time…TRYIN to hear what Bob’s jabberin about now. You’ll be like, “BOB, speak up buddy, OR…shut-up!

He’ll look at ya a minute and go, “Sorry, but I can’t hear that well, and honestly I can’t tell that I’m talkin so softly. To me…it sounds loud! The one good ear I got left don’t work that well either.”

We just crack up!

In all sincerity though, he is one great guy, and I think the world of him. We all do.

Also, most of you guys know that our oldest daughter Michelle, and our oldest son, Josh, bought me a new puppy (before it’s over they’ll be gittin a little payback for that deal!) whom I christened… “Gyp.”

Gyp is a Catahoula Leopard Cur, and it wasn’t but just a day or two after she “landed here” at the place that I found out where “the leopard” handle came from in her breed of dog.

Her, Cheyenne, Susie and I were out up under an ole oak just hangin out one afternoon shortly after her arrival.

We’re just sittin around coolin it, and all of a sudden Cheyenne sees or hears something out in the woods behind us, lets out a growl, starts barkin and immediately runnin towards the woods behind the house, Susie carryin on right behind her.

It LITERALLY scared Gyp to death!

One minute all’s quiet, all four of us are bout half asleep, and Cheyenne just startles the heck outta the rest of us when she lets out that first bark.

I swear, Gyp jumped straight up in the air! Straight up! BUT…she never came back down! Gyp was in the oak tree, literally sittin on the first low hangin limb. That’s when it dawned on me for the first time… “LEOPARD” cur…of course! Now I git it!

She’s since gotten much better and doesn’t startle quite so easily now, although it still happens once in a while.

She’s beginning to “feel her oats” a little as well now, and thinks at times she’s just as big as the other two. That is until feedin time!

I feed everybody at the same time, scatterin their food bowls out plenty far enough that no one feels threatened. Yet, no matter HOW far apart I feed em, little Gyp just has to go and check out what the others two have for dinner!

She’ll run over to Cheyenne’s bowl and stick her head in it. That’s just about the time Cheyenne will ROLL her! Gyp shoots off yelpin…straight to Susie’s bowl! She’ll then stick her head down into that one as well. Same result!

It’s at this point that she decides what she has in HER OWN bowl kinda suits her just fine!

This happens every day, and I swear I believe that if somebody kicked my butt daily, I’d soon realize I just didn’t want to aggravate that feller again. Not Gyp though!

I was told her breed of dog was very, very intelligent, yet between us…I’m beginning to have my doubts! LOL!

Our garden is taking shape again…finally. We have gotten the okra, cucumbers, tomatoes, beets, radishes, a few onions and some squash replanted. The squash though are probably not going to make it.

I didn’t allow them enough “hardening” time in partial sun, and by this the dern things are getting their butts kicked. I’ll end up just planting them from seed in their garden spot instead of growing them off in the greenhouse first.

I knew better than to do this, BUT, I did it anyway. Hardheaded is a pretty apt description of my personality. LOL! It comes back to haunt me on occasion and the squash are a fine example of this. Deb always called it hard headed, but I call it…job security! LOL!

How bout a “Little Johnny” joke for you guys today? If anyone knows anything about ole “Little Johnny,” you know Johnny is quite the character, and most times quite risqué in his choice of adjectives when speaking. Today’s joke is pretty much along those same lines though I have “toned em” down some.

Uncle’s Bull

Little Johnny left the big city to spend a week with his Uncle, who happened to be a rancher.

Johnny had been there a day or two when all of a sudden he comes bustin through the door hollerin, “Uncle, Uncle! That dern bull of yours is screwin one of your cows!!”

His Uncle comes down the hall, sets Johnny dawn and declares, “Now Johnny, I want you to understand a thing or two. First, I know that you were born and raised in the big city. With this being the case, I know as well that you guys talk dirty at times. BUT, by us living rurally like we do, we just don’t use, nor condone such language. So if you see such as this again, PLEASE, just say that my bull is SURPRISIN one of my cows, okay?”

Jonny knods his head and goes back outside.

The next day Little Johnny comes flyin back into his Uncle’s house just a screamin, “Uncle, Uncle! That dern bull of yours is surprising EVERY cow ya got!”

His Uncle again sets Johnny down in a chair and states, “Now Johnny. Once more I understand that by you livin in the big city, you guys just might have a tendency to lie a little bit ever once in a while. With that bein the case, you and I both realize that that dern bull, as you describe him, CAN’T surprise but only ONE cow at a time, right?”

To which Little Johnny declared, “Oh no Uncle, that dern bull IS surprising EVERY cow ya got….cause he’s screwin your horse!”

Since I’ve already gotten started with the “Little Johnny” jokes, here’s one more…

The New Baby

Little Johnny’s next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby.

Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny’s dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, “Now, son…that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I’m really going to spank you when we get back home.”

“I promise not to mention his ears at all,” said Little Johnny.

At the neighbor’s home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby’s hand. He looked at its mother and said, “Oh, what a beautiful little baby!”

The mother said, “Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”

He then said, “This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say he can see good?”

The Mother said, “Why, yes, his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.”

Little Johnny said, “Well, it’s a damn good thing, cause he sure as hell can’t wear glasses!

You guys have a great day, and God Bless! As always…keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!


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