We’d gone up to my Mom and Dad’s, and good gracious, what a feed my Momma put on! I’d told you guys earlier that we now have a Christmas breakfast, and boy it’s a “goodun!” I ‘ve got to say that one of her breakfast staples is exactly what today’s post is all about…grits!

First off, I just can’t believe the people we’ve met that have never tasted them. I swear, for those that haven’t, you honestly don’t realize what you’re missing!

I understand there are some things that some people just won’t eat, and I’m a good example of this statement. One thing I don’t like that you guys will find amazing I believe is…I won’t eat a dern sweet potato! Believe that? Ole Dub won’t get one of those around my mouth, uh, uh!

I wasn’t always that way, because when I was just a kid I loved them. A good, hot, right out of the oven sweet tater, split open and buttered up, it just didn’t get any better than that. But, as we all know, there are some things that get just…TOO good, and that’s what happened between me and them sweet potatoes.

I ate those things at Granddaddy’s and Granny’s one time, and got plumb sick on em, I’d eaten so many of them. Since that day, I’ve never put another one in my mouth, NOT one!

But when it comes to grits, shoot, I just don’t see how anyone won’t eat a big ole helpin of grits! As a matter of fact, it’s actually incomprehensible to me??

I know we’ve shared before some different recipes using grits, and seriously, if you’ve never tried them, you may be in for a very, very pleasant surprise…we all love em.

Anyway, I was opening up some e-mails this morning, and lo and behold, one of them contained a pretty neat story of grits.

It comes from Bill and Sandy, two friends of ours who hail from the Mobile area, and I thought shoot, I’m going to share this with you guys today, and, that’s exactly what we’re fixing to do. We hope you enjoy it, because in reality, here in the South we take our grits pretty dern seriously…it is a food staple to us.

So, kick back, prop your feet up, let’s fire off the cook stove, and let’s talk…grits!

WHAT ARE GRITS?

FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT GRITS HAS DONE A LOT OF RESEARCH!! READ CAREFULLY SO YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THIS KNOWLEDGE TO THE WRONG PEOPLE! AS YOU CAN SEE THIS KNOWLEDGE MUST BE RECORDED AND LOCKED IN A TOP SECRET VAULT WELL GUARDED!! BE CAREFUL OF THE DOGS USED FOR GUARDING AS SOME PEOPLE WILL KNOCK DOWN WALLS TO GET TO GOOD GRITS OR THE RECIPE FOR MAKING THEM!! BE CAUTIOUS…

Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people think grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are lies spread by Yankees. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. Research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed:

Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world’s grit mines are in Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast–not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question.

Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer’s Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and can leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits:

As mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public. The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii (I believe this to have probably been in… “SOUTHERN POMPEII,” LOL! Dub’s two-cents worth!), in a woman’s personal diary. The woman’s name was Herculania Jemimana, who was known as Aunt Jemima to her friends.

The Ten Commandments of Grits:

I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits

II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife

III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy

IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Grits

V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits

VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits

VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits

VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.

IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch…

X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

How to Cook Grits:

For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tablespoons of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, they are done.

How to make red eye gravy: Fry salt cured country ham in cast-iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes.

How to Eat Grits:

Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. Do NOT use low-fat butter. The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Next, add salt. The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1. Therefore, for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt. Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk. Your grits should rarely be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it’s Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:

Leftover grits are extremely rare and may only be a rumor. Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2″ of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable, but delicious.

Well, what else could you possibly want to know on the subject? I believe that just about covers it!

Well, we sure hope today’s post will have put the ole “try em, you just might like em,” bug in your britches, and if so, once more we feel you might be in for a pleasant surprise. If not, well, that just means…more for us!!

Before we close, we had another friend from Virginia, Roger sent us this video. We just had to share this! Deb and I both got the biggest kick watching these dogs…saying grace before their meals! We loved this, and hope you guys get a kick outta it too!

Thanks Roger…this was a…goodun!

You guys have a great day and God Bless you all. As Deb loves to say, “Keep a smile on your face, and one in your heart!

Dub and Deb